Aug 11th 2009 By Jeremy Taylor
Most of us have been guilty of downgrading a buddy's masculinity just because he walked up to a bar and ordered something that could potentially have an umbrella in it even though the bar wasn't on a tropical island.
So, yeah, there is clearly some sort of gendered hierarchy when it comes to alcohol. Which means there has to be a manliest drink.
After the jump we make the case for the drink that may finally decide quien es mas macho
Anything that exponentially increases your rate of burping, farting and urinating and
makes you even more comfortable than usual with talking about these glorious bodily functions has to be considered supremely manly -- if for no other reason than it's a discussion the fairer sex would be extremely reluctant to engage in.Whiskey
Your grandfather probably drank some type of whiskey, and he could do things like fight in wars, fix cars and skin lesser mammals. While you will never need to do such things -- now that we have iPhones, cars with computer chips and laser-guided missiles -- anytime you're able to drink whiskey without looking like a bunch of lemons were shoved down your throat, you are paying tribute to the manly men of golden ages past.Martini
Save for its ability to get dirty
, there's little about the martini -- the sexually ambiguous name, the Zima-like coloring, the tendency to be "bruised" -- that screams out "man." Yet, since it was the preferred drink of macho characters like James Bond, Ernest Hemingway and Winston Churchill, it's definitely part of the argument. But, just to be sure, you should ditch the olive for an onion, or better yet, a sardine.Red Wine
Laugh all you want, but wine appreciation is a highly technical, fairly male-oriented domain. Furthermore, it's a scientific fact that red wine, more than any other alcohol, makes women horny
. And there's nothing as unimpeachably manly as having sex with a woman. (Granted, if chardonnay was found to have made the ladies most randy we'd have to revisit this logic.)
We've surely missed many a masculine drink. (We didn't even get into the boilermakers and Irish car bombs of the world.) So if there is a chest-hair engendering alcoholic beverage that you'd like recognize, serve it up in the comments.