If Elvis had been around during our era of 24-7, all-access celebrity reporting, accounts of his love life, pill-popping, extreme dietary habits and explosive relationship with guns and appliances would have made Jon and Kate seem woefully underexposed. However, since Elvis died 32 years ago, many of the best rumors and innuendo concerning the legend haven't received the attention they deserve.
Elvis had a molester of a monkey
Michael Jackson wasn't the first pop superstar to pal around with a pet chimp. Elvis had Scatter, a 3-foot-tall simian terror who had been trained to drink whiskey and lift up girls' skirts -- which Elvis was especially fond of encouraging. Once, he even let the ape into the room where a member of the Memphis Mafia was getting carnal benefits from a groupie. Allegedly, Scatter jumped right in, eliciting screams and fury from the human participants, and laughter from The King.
Elvis was an erratic boss
Elvis was an erratic boss who would often lose his temper and fire members of his inner circle, only to change his mind hours later. One time, after being unceremoniously axed, Elvis's cousin Billy Smith left to catch a plane home. But Elvis had decided he wanted him back, so he relayed a message to the airport that Smith had stolen something from him, and security had Smith arrested. This allowed Elvis the time to send his guys to pick his cousin up and bring him back to his employ. Needless to say, Smith was furious about the whole ordeal.
When Robert Goulet appeared on a TV, Elvis would shoot it
We have definitive proof that Elvis did shoot at least one television -- a 25-inch RCA he put a bullet in as Robert Goulet performed, and which is now on display at Graceland. Marty Lacker, one of Elvis's oldest friends and confidants, has confirmed Goulet's involvement was no coincidence and that Elvis had it in for the crooner ever since Goulet implied he slept with one of Presley's girlfriends. Thus, Elvis would cruelly execute any television which dared broadcast Goulet's smug mug.
Elvis impersonators are seen at Selfridges department store to audition for their "Searching For The King" contest as part of Selfridges' month-long Vegas Supernova season, celebrating 100 years of Las Vegas, in central London.
Chris Jackson, Getty Images
An Elvis impersonator enjoys a beer in a local pub during the Parkes Elvis Festival in Parkes, Australia. For one weekend every year, Parkes is innundated with Elvis fans, impersonators and performers from around the world.
Ian Waldie, Getty Images
Elvis impersonators are seen resting backstage after a performance during "Night of 100 Elvises" at the Lithuanian Hall in Baltimore, MD.
Bonnie Biess, Asylum
Kelsie Gaddis poses for a photo before a candle light vigil during Elvis Week in Memphis, Tennessee.
Carlo Allegri, Getty Images
Elvis impersonator slam dunk during the McDonald's NBA All-Star Celebrity Game presented by 2K Sports held at Mandalay Bay Convention Center.
Frank Micelotta, Getty Images
Elvis Presley impersonator Jim Godbold relieves himself after getting dressed in his white jumpsuit for an hour performance at the Calvert County Fair in Prince Frederick, Maryland. Godbold is a regular performer at the annual fair and has performed at Graceland.
Mark Wilson, Getty Images
Blake "Elvis" Ellege from Asheville, North Carolina dresses like Elvis Presley in Memphis, Tennessee.
Joe Raedle, Getty Images
An Elvis impersonator is seen at Selfridges department store to audition for their "Searching For The King" contest as part of Selfridges' month-long Vegas Supernova season, celebrating 100 years of Las Vegas, in central London.
Chris Jackson, Getty Images
Holly Madison and the Travelocity gnome wed as Elvis impersonator Tim Welch officiates at The Wedding Chapel at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on July 12, 2009 in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Denise Truscello, WireImage
Elvis Presley impersonator, Rodney Hamrick from Smiths Station, Alabama uses hairspray as he prepares for his shot at performing during the Images of the King competition at the Holiday Inn Select in Memphis, Tennessee.
Joe Raedle, Getty Images
Elvis let nothing get in the way of his gluttony
One evening, Elvis had a hankering for a Fool's Gold Loaf, a stupidly enormous sandwich made up of a hollowed-out bread loaf stuffed full of peanut butter, jelly and a pound of bacon. Since this $50 monstrosity was only available in Denver, Elvis could only fulfill his craving by having his private jet fly him straight from Memphis to Colorado, where he and his buddies were met with 22 Fool's Gold Loafs and a case of Dom Perignon. The group chowed down in the hanger and then flew right back home.
Elvis May Have Shared a Lover With James Dean. A Male Lover
Although James Dean, whom Elvis greatly admired, died before Presley made it out to Hollywood, Elvis was able to forge an intense friendship with Nick Adams, an actor best known for having been Dean's close pal. While there is a great deal of evidence suggesting both James Dean and Nick Adams were bisexual, any implication Elvis went both ways is highly speculative. But it's been whispered throughout entertainment circles ever since Presley and Adams struck up their relationship in the '50s.
Heard any other crazy stories about Elvis? Let us know in the comments.