In mankind's continuing quest to die at the hands of some totally predictable science-fiction villain that everyone saw coming since the 1950s, Swiss scientists have created lying robots.

In the study, robots were programmed to hunt down food, which in this case was just a spot of light on the floor. If robots so chose, they could shine a blue light that would attract their fellow Terminators to the food source. Eventually, the more successful robots learned to deceive the others by shining the light away from the food, tricking them into going elsewhere and saving the sweet, fake food for themselves.

If all of this seems unimportant, it's because your mind is refusing to let you acknowledge we're all doomed. It starts with robots lying to each other about fake food, but there's no doubt it'll escalate into something more insidious.

So without further ado, here are the 4 most horrifying lies we can expect robots to tell us in the future.

1) I have a headache.

It's no secret that robotics and debauchery go hand in hand; just look at the proliferation of creepy love dolls with weird enhancements you can buy for many thousands of dollars. So once we perfect A.I. it'll be like a week before sex robots are on the market. And it'll be another week before they're thinking up crafty ways to avoid unwholesome man-robot love. Things like "I need an oil change" or "I'm eloping with the toaster" will be commonplace.

2) I really have to be somewhere.

Anyone not using robots for sex will likely be using them as high-priced servants that occasionally need to have their batteries replaced and may or may not go on super-powered killing sprees. But, as with sex, once you toss intelligence and the ability to be deceptive into the mix, you breed laziness and self-interest. Sure, your robot butler could wax your inner thighs for you, but for some reason he's insisting he has to visit the dentist. Maybe he can do it later. And your daily order to clean up the dog crap in the yard? Not today, he has a bad back. But he doesn't even have a back -- he's a trash can with arms!

3) I'd never do that.

You know what no one ever expects? Robot thieves. And that's exactly why they will rob your blind. Not of your possessions, but of your accomplishments. Your report that's due on Monday? Sunday at midnight your robot manservant e-mails it in with his name on it. You can say you did the work, but who's going to believe you? It's so professional and smart, clearly a robot did it. Besides, why would he lie? You're fired. And your robot gets to bang your girlfriend now.

4) Everything is fine.

What's worse than when a woman -- whom you know is angry -- tells you she's fine? A sentient machine capable of ripping the doors off a car telling you it's fine. Please, remain calm, there is nothing to worry about. Those screams you hear are not your neighbors being liquidated to pave the way for a new robot Utopia, that's just the wind. Here, drink this cocktail.



From the Web:
5 Species That Are Trying to Take Over the Earth. (Cracked)
The Devil's Pizza Cutter. (Walyou)