The St. Paul, Minn., police force is currently wrapped in scandal like a gooey, fruity filling wrapped in substandard perma-stale pastry.

It seems, not so long ago, an off-duty police officer was sneaked into the local zoo for a late-night tour by security guards, and in the greatest miscarriage of justice since the cancellation of "Celebrity Family Feud," he gave the gorillas a box of Pop-Tarts. Internal Affairs is investigating and zoo security staff involved were fired.

Gorillas Schroeder, Gordy and Togo are doing fine, despite the diversion from their usual diet. As one zoo spokesmen acknowledges, "Who doesn't like a good Pop-Tart once in a while?"

Police deny feeding the gorilla and add the one-two punch of "we figured it was cool because we had an escort" into their excuse repertoire, leaving it up to Internal Affairs to determine if any action will be taken.

Meanwhile, we're left to forever wonder whether the primates indulged in classic strawberry, cinnamon brown sugar or some other delicious breakfast pastry concoction.


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