More than any other room, a man's bathroom is truly his domain. Within the confines of this tiled kingdom, he is king, master of all he surveys from his porcelain throne. This is also why it can be so difficult to share the sacred domain with other grunting, sweating, flatulent guys.
Outlined below are seven particularly disconcerting public bathroom criminals. If any of these happen to describe you, we kindly ask you to please honor the sanctity of our shared lavatorial lairs by knocking it the hell off.
7) Urinal Chatterbox
With a hand propped on the wall for balance, this Chatty Clarence breaks the cardinal rule of male bathroom etiquette
(eyes forward or closed, always) by turning their head to make eye contact or even eye-to-junk contact. 6) The Cell Phone Sh**er
In between groans, this squatter is carrying on a conversation with some unlucky person, recounting the day's events, hopefully avoiding the topic of the odoriferous pollution he's currently unleashing. This often leads to the next awful thing guys do in the bathroom ...Check out more bathroom offenses.
5) Failure to Flush
Toilets aren't unfailing devices fueled by magic and pixie dust; they tend to clog, especially when too much is deposited. While a courtesy flush can sometimes sidestep a potentially smelly backup, some oblivious defecators cause crap-tastrophes. What's worse is that, in most cases, they probably never intended to flush anyway.
4) Watch Your Step
There is nothing worse than the guy in the urinal next to you accidentally stepping on or hitting your foot. OK, actually there is: You could be the one who accidentally initiates footsie. Mistakenly giving someone the idea that you're planning to follow him to his car is very embarrassing. Luckily, this faux pas usually ends in a slight but firm apology ... unless you're a senator. 3) Painting the Walls
Men can't resist the call of the wild and seem to enjoy going everywhere but inside the toilet, spraying the walls, lid, floor, and maybe even themselves. It has less to do with marking territory than just poor aim and general apathy -- but this doesn't excuse the behavior. Even worse, some men try to re-create the disturbing bathroom/secret entrance from the film, "Once Upon a Time in Mexico."2) Social Spankers
There is a time and place for everything. In regards to masturbation, the time is whenever you're alone and the place should always be your home. The only exception is the camping yank. (Any fan of Walt Whitman, will agree.)1) Death and Dying
Think about all the above events that happen on a daily basis in any public bathroom. Now consider having a near-death experience or even dying in such a den. Lying face down on a floor, intimate with every bodily fluid you could imagine, as you gasp for air. Granted, you won't remember any of it once you're six feet under, but that bathroom will always be known as "the place where that guy dropped dead," and your family will have to live with the knowledge that their son/husband/father/etc. died in a bathroom.
In other words, unless you're Elvis, don't be a guy who dies in the john.