When the Rapture comes, evangelical Christians will ascend to heaven, but what will become of their heathen pets? A group of atheists has come up with a solution: Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, a new service that promises to care for the pets of pious citizens for a reasonable fee.For $110, a non-believer will care for a Christian's domestic animal for its lifetime if the Rapture occurs in the next 10 years. And the Eternal Earth-Bound Pets Web site promises that all of its animal-care specialists, spread across 20 states, are certified sinners.
"Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God/Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation."
That means that your pet is guaranteed to receive quality care as it lives out its golden years, even if they happen to be during the seven-year reign of the Antichrist on Earth. (That's 49 years of Antichrist rule in dog years.)
And while polls show that upwards of 55 percent of Americans believe in the Rapture, it remains to be seen how many of them are gullible enough to send Eternal Earth-Bound Pets $110.


























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Tuesday 01 September
By Heavytoka
This is a smart business seeing as the rapture is never coming lol it's almost a scam
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Tuesday 01 September
By inmate
Pure Genius
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Tuesday 01 September
By whoops
LMAO, this is the funniest thing I have heard all day! Hope they get some takers, lolol. Pre-Pay up front, please!
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Wednesday 02 September
By Pastor Dan Pergrin
Had to laugh at this one! Finally some atheist's trying to do something constructive, but I have to differ with their selection of doctrine. Well what did you expect from unbelievers, pure doctrine? The resurrection of the Just and the Unjust occures on the same day. Sorry but those pets will be consumed in the fervent heat as the heavens and the earth melt by the fire of God's judgement. Jesus said the resurrection occures on the "last day". There are no more days after the last day. What Christians are waiting for is the fulfillment of the gospel being preached in all nations, people groups, languages and families. It is estimated that there are still hundreds of people groups yet to be reached. My best guess is that we will still be here in 10 years.
But I have personally seen God's Holy Spirit heal blind eyes 29 times, deaf ears 20 times, 3 cripples have walked, one young crippled boy's whole body received an overhaul, I've seen many diseases healed instantly. So my faith does not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power and demonstration of the Holy Spirit. So I'll keep my $110.00 and give it to missions! Serving Jesus is just way too fun, if you find people and churches who are really serving God!
TURN OR BURN!
HEAVYHITTER!!!
Monday 28 December
By Brett
Pastor Dan, of course you're right that the Bible doesn't say anything about any 'Rapture'. It was a recent invention that a lot of people decided to believe in, like a lot of current notions about Christian faith (yes, all of you who think Grandpa is in heaven watching over you as an angel, this means you.)
The atheists probably know all about that, while many of their Christian customers don't. That's what makes this so funny.
Tuesday 05 January
By Taylor
Turn or burn? really? has that actually ever truly turned any athiess to christians? wow....
fear is a funny thing
Thursday 03 September
By Dave
I will go one better, if the rapture occurs during my lifetime and not just the next 10 years I will take care of any pet for $100 one time payment. For an additional $100 fee I will also agree to bury their physical bodies should they no longer need them as a result of the rapture.
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Thursday 03 September
By Chris
but don't they know .... "All Dogs Go To Heaven" (1989)
Saturday 05 September
By outsidewavelength
That's the best idea and laugh I've had all day!
Thursday 03 September
By seathanaich
Oh that is the funniest thing I've seen all month. Bravo!
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Friday 04 September
By Rad
Rad DelaroderieAs a fine upstanding non-Christian who is not an atheist, I earnestly object to the notion that only atheists can care for rapture-abandoned pets! I can provide for the full love and care of such lonely and bewildered animals, and I'll do it for $10 less than what the atheists charge!!! (shipping and handling extra, minimum two per family, not valid with any other offer, may not apply in countries where dog meat is a common menu item, other restrictions may apply)
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Saturday 05 September
By outsidewavelength
Correction of earlier comment(guess I should have read further). THIS is the best laugh I've had all day!You are right and offer one hell of a deal!
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Wednesday 09 September
By Rinzou
This is a response to Pastor Dan Pergrin's claim to have personally seen "...God's Holy Spirit heal blind eyes 29 times, deaf ears 20 times, 3 cripples have walked, one young crippled boy's whole body received an overhaul, I've seen many diseases healed instantly."
I too have seen those scams on TV. And that's exactly what they are, frauds commited on the gullible to gain personal financial wealth.
Pergrin, you're a fake and a moron. Anyone can "heal" blindness, deafness, diseases, the crippled by simply paying actors to pretend to be such. Seems to me if god can heal them he should also be able to have amputees regrow their limbs. Or have dwarves grow a few feet. Or have people who were born with some PHYSICAL deformity suddenly become normal immediately and in plain sight. But that won't happen will it "pastor"? Not even with all your "faith in the power and demonstration of the Holy Spirit".
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Wednesday 16 September
By bart
I bet "pastor dan" (an obvious nutcase and buffoon) hasn't witnessed the spontaneous regrowth of an amputated limb?
Why is that?
Let nme guess... because:
missing limbs build character.
amuptatees don't have enough faith.
Jesus hates amputees.
or "God works in strange and mysterious ways."
LOL.
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Saturday 26 December
By George
aaah! the faith of an atheist! ....wait ..what?
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Sunday 27 December
By Ken
Wouldn't it be nice if those who claim to have divine healing powers would simply go to the local children's cancer ward and heal rather than prance around on TV and ask for money.
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Sunday 27 December
By stacknef
what a great idea. Im going to advertise in the local church bulletins and see who really believes in the "rapture".
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Monday 28 December
By diane
As a certified atheist, I will take horses, mules, and donkeys also -- but they're gonna cost a lot more than $110.
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Monday 28 December
By Juanjo
The surprise that is in store for all those greedy, selfish and hateful believers on rapture is that just about everyone of them has already a reserved oven in hell.
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