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Our friends at Urlesque are leading the charge against the overexposure of cats on the Internet, and we feel obligated to stake our own unique position in this movement against felines. We've decided to take a clear, black-and-white stand in support of cats' greatest known man-made enemy: sex toys.

Cats are used to batting around rodents and stalking small woodland creatures. But what happens when they are forced to fight, say, a vibrator?

That's what we call kitty hell, friends.

We've carefully weighed in on whether a cat or a vibrating dildo would win if left in a cat-carrier cage match. Check out the intense video footage of this match (probably filmed illegally in South America) and weigh in on our debate over this most controversial subject.


Cats

Strengths: Cats are highly evolved predators with lightning reflexes, enormous speed and sharp claws and teeth.

Weaknesses: Vibration, apparently. Also, they have been known to get freaked out by laser pointers.

Special Abilities: Night vision and pouncing. And before you scoff at pouncing, keep in mind that the playful jump typically breaks a mouse's back.

Sex Toys

Strengths: Sex toys are built to withstand repeated, often intense visits to the alcoves of the human body. A cat's body should be no match.

Weaknesses: Not being able to attack would probably seriously hamper a sex toy's ability to challenge a cat. Basically, like the turtle, sex toys can only hole up and hope the cat gets tired or bored.

Special Abilities: If you put some Energizer batteries in those things, they can last forever.

Victory: Sex toys.