Deceptively Manly Show Titles From the Fall TV Season

The fall TV season is here, with offerings both manly ("Crash Course") and decidedly unmanly (anything starring Julianna Margulies). But a few shows on the fall schedule seem to offer the promise of guy-friendly entertainment, at least judging by the title alone. Look closer though, and you'll find a gooey, unmanly center. Let's take a look at the most deceptively unmanly shows of the new fall season.


"Cougar Town" (ABC)
What this show should be: An elite squadron of paramilitary troops invade a town overrun by bioengineered cougar-people. Much mauling and machine-gun firing ensues. What it actually is: Courteney Cox as a MILFy soccer mom in a sitcom with a lazy "buzzword" title that we were all sick of months ago. Because old people dating is funny, right? Mom's slutty outfits are sure to embarrass the kids! As for killer cougar action? Forget it pal, it's "Cougar Town."


"Shark Tank" (ABC)
Who doesn't love "Shark Week" on Discovery? It's about time the major networks caught the shark trend and tossed a bunch of D-list celebs into a giant shark-filled tank in a fight for survival and cash. Will Dustin Diamond survive to win the million bucks? Will the sharks tear off Heidi Montag's plastic face ... Wait a minute, it's a metaphor. The "sharks" of the title are actually captains of industry who judge the terrible ideas of budding entrepreneurs in yet another reality competition show. Sigh. If you'll excuse us, we'll be watching disgusting brain surgery on Discovery Health.

"Defying Gravity" (ABC)
All right, now we're talking. There hasn't been a good daredevil stunt series since the days of Evel Knievel on "ABC's Wide World of Sports." Motorcycle stunts, skydivers -- what? It's about astronauts? That could be ... good. Piloting spaceships, getting infected with alien spores. I'm sorry? It's pitched as "'Grey's Anatomy' in space"? Oh, come on!

"The Vampire Diaries" (CW)
Seeing as how "Twilight" and its ilk have sufficiently wussified the noble vampire, we're approaching this one with some trepidation. But the diaries of a vampire have to be chock full of dark, gory stuff, right? There's no way the vampires would write about their crushes on boring human girls who won't give up that delicious neck juice. Certainly the diaries will feature the vampire's musings on his many gruesome kills, and undying hatred for werewolves and not terrible poetry about their lunchroom crushes. This can't possibly be yet another vampire story that isn't told from the vampire's perspective. "Vampire Diaries" will finally show vampires for the evil killing machines that they are, right? Can we please not be embarrassed to like vampires anymore?

"Trauma" (NBC)
We know what you're thinking: A show called "Trauma" can only be about one thing, right? Massive head injuries. Dudes crashing their bikes into stuff, tykes accidentally bashing Dad in the head with a baseball bat. "America's Funniest Home Videos" for the Break generation -- a tribute to all things traumatic-injury related. Well, we got bad news for you. It's a medical show. On NBC of all places. Big shock, right? What has the risk-taking home of "The Jay Leno Show" come to? Plus, considering it's about paramedics, it's basically just "Third Watch" all over again. This is so frustrating, we could bash our heads against the wall.

Going through this list, we fear we may have to spend all our prime TV time watching crash videos and reruns of "Cops." Have you discovered any other surprisingly unmanly TV fare this season?