The perverts over at Nerve.com took lightly the old saying about a man's job recently when they sent a female writer to try her hand as a pick-up artist. Using techniques straight from "The Game," she tried her hand at macking on some dudes (and ladies) at a club in an experiment that makes for entertaining reading.

But it's complete hogwash, and we never, EVER use that term lightly. No doubt Caitlin researched her subject well and had all the right materials, but alas, she learned the hard lesson: Women can't be pick up-artists. And here's why.

1. You Look Silly in that Hat
Do you know Mystery? Unfortunately, you've probably seen him on TV at some point looking like a cross between Howard Hughes and Halloween and wondered what the hell he was up to.

The problem with this method, sometimes called peacocking, is that, traditionally, the one thing a woman needs to stand out and be noticed by men is a second X chromosome. Those epaulettes and snakeskin coveralls only serve to confuse us. If you show up dressed like someone who's too weird for Cirque du Soleil, most men will wonder if you're off your meds.

2. What Did You Just Say?
According to some pick-up artists, a good way to engage a woman in conversation is to sound like you're insane. Start talking about narwhals or Cambodian Fight Club. That kind of off-the-wall stuff is supposed to disarm yet interest your potential target. As a woman, if you approach a man and casually mention that you think pie was probably invented in the Australian outback by hyper-intelligent marsupials, he'll just wonder if it's a euphemism.

3. Break Them Down

The dirtiest weapon in the pick-up artist arsenal is being a jerk. Many pick-up artists recommend insulting the woman you are trying to pick up to make her self esteem go down while yours goes up. For the female pick-up artist, this is peeing in the wind. If a woman tells a guy his cologne reminds her of dysentery, he's likely to take that for what it is: an insult. When a woman insults us at a club, we generally try to slink away with the remains of our dignity.

4. Break Down Those Walls

Part of the artistry of the pick-up is being a horrible human being. Women, for instance, may not want to have sex with you. The pick-up artist can't let that get in the way of having sex with them. You need to be clever, like a tail-getting ninja, and dig away at their defenses, common sense and personal likes and dislikes to try to convince them that yes, they do in fact want to have sex. That's why pick up artists use terms like "hunt" and "target."

For those guys, this requires a lot of strategy and dedication. But the reality of modern courtship is that women hold the cards already. You can't get any more. You may be stunned to learn that women can, for all intents and purposes, get sex anytime they want. Thus, women have no defenses to get past. The entire backbone of pick-up artistry, which purports to tell you secrets to convince women to have sex with you, is irrelevant for a female pick-up artist. You don't need to convince a man to have sex with you, you just need to ask him.

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