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So many employees of the taxpayer-funded National Science Foundation have been caught downloading pornography onto their office computers that the agency's inspector general was worried his department wouldn't have time to go after grant fraud -- their original mandate.

The biggest violator of the agency's oppressive "one girl one cup during office hours" mandate was a senior manager who'd spent at least 331 days "looking at pornography on his government computer and chatting online with nude or partially clad women."

When finally caught, the randy employee resigned, but not before offering up the lame excuse that he was visiting the site to "help provide a living for poor women overseas."

Look, frankly, there isn't a lot you can say when your boss walks in on you rubbing one out to "Forrest Hump III," but at least come up with a quality excuse. Keep reading for our top suggestions.

"Pardon me for testing the filter on the company browser. See, it doesn't work. Man, our IT department can't get anything right."

"Really? So that was wrong? I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to watch porn in the conference room, but at my own desk too? Really?"

"As you may know, I volunteer for the Make a Wish Foundation. And when a dying 13-year-old says his last request is to watch 'the nastiest amateur gangbang ever,' by gosh 'the nastiest amateur gangbang ever' is exactly what we'll find for him."

"I'm negotiating a deal with a woman named Debi Diamond. So I Googled her, just like I do all my potential clients. Interesting second job she has, no?"

Let us know your suggestions in the comments.