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For too long, poetry contests have been the exclusive domain of arsty college dropouts typing away in Starbucks and trying to think of rhymes for ennui. (Hint: kabluey, duh!)

But now there's a contestivus for the rest of us: Alan Wieder's "Year of the Cock" Penis Haiku contest -- because sometimes you need to use an ancient Japanese art form to show appreciation for your wang.

Stuck with a few extra copies of his book -- a delightful romp through the mind of man obsessed with his smallish wiener -- Wieder is giving away signed copies of his tome to the authors of his fave penis haikus. To set the bar, we asked a few of our writers to pen a couple of examples.

With one eye open
He tries to yawn, then vomits
Morning pee is done

Cursed denim scrapes
Brush burn seems very likely
I need underwear



Hot summer evening
Sweat makes it stick to my thigh
Must make adjustment

Beware cold water
October skinny-dipping
A poorly thought plan

Hey little buddy
No need to look so upset
It's manscaping time

My penis stands at
Attention above my sack
Teabag, anyone?

Length is not my thing
I tend to be more girthy
Hung like a Frisbee

Readers! We need to see what you can do! To win a signed copy of Alan Wieder's "Year of the Cock" and the people's ovation and fame forever, send us a haiku of your own. Be as creative as you want. The only rules are that the haiku must follow the 5-7-5-syllable structure. And be about d**k. Get crackin'.