Conservatives have been decrying a "liberal media bias" for years now, even devoting an entire news organization to combating the threat. However, the right's latest target may do some damage to the credibility of their claims. They're going after notorious left-wing pundit God.

No, we're not kidding. The right-wing Conservative Bible Project seeks to revise the inspired word of God, citing "lack of precision in the original language" among other concerns, to provide a "strong framework against liberal bias" using "powerful conservative terms."

As if this weren't worthy enough of a smiting, they even want to rename God, preferring "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God." Let's hope they have lightning insurance.

If you're gonna do it, we say do it right. Read on for some of our suggestions for "The Conservative Bible."

- Instead of a serpent offering Eve an apple, a squirrel gives her an ACORN.

- When Cain asks God if he is Abel's keeper, God responds, "You make an excellent point about personal responsibility."

- Moses returns from the mount with stone tablets promising less regulation.

- Instead of tipping tables at the temple, Jesus loudly interrupts the Pharisees' town hall meetings.

- Before healing lepers, Jesus asks to see their insurance cards.

- "Turning the other cheek" becomes "Pulling a fully-legal, unregulated Glock 9."

- When Jesus feeds the 50,000, he charges what the market will bear for the bread and fish, then uses the proceeds to lobby Rome.

- Pontius Pilate constantly asks to see Jesus's "real birth certificate."

- Instead of being crucified, Jesus is brought before a Roman death panel.

- When the scales fall from the Apostle Paul's eyes on the road to Damascus, he puts them back on.

- In the Conservative Bible, Barak loses.