It was a Friday afternoon. I was in New York City, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, by myself.So I'm at the Met, on the roof. There is a strange sculpture exhibit -- this metal tree-like thing with branching dendrites all over the space -- and I'm walking around, when I see this guy. He looks familiar, and a second later I place him: Val Kilmer.
He doesn't look good. He's overweight, his hair is down to his shoulders. He's dressed in an untucked button-down shirt and baggy pants, sporting square sunglasses and this huge hat, like red-faced tourists wear in Australia.
As I'm watching over the sight that is Val Kilmer, a surfer-dude in Ralph Lauren walks up to him and says, "Hey man, you were in one of my favorite movies, I loved 'The Salton Sea,' man," etc., etc. Val's like, "Thanks." The dude wants to take a picture with Val, and Val's like, oh, all right. I turn away, amused, and text my friend Hilary, "Val Kilmer on the roof at the Met."
The picture is taken. Val walks away with his lady friend, and I see him approach a security guard. The roof isn't large, so he's maybe 20 yards away. They converse, and a moment later Val starts pointing across the roof, right, ostensibly, at me. But obviously he's not pointing at me.
I start strolling, casually, across the roof, and when I glance over again I find that Val is pointing, once again, at me. There's no mistake now; I've changed positions, we're about 10 yards apart, and he's pointing at me. A little thrill runs through me; I'm vaguely flattered, and also vaguely alarmed, as though I'm 8 and at recess, and some kid is telling on me for something I haven't really done, pointing me out across the playground to the teacher on duty.
I should mention I was wearing my souvenir dark-green Israeli guard T-shirt (pictured left) that my parents brought back from Israel. My mother had warned me about wearing it around, and I thought that was funny and ridiculous. In fact, I've found that I attract a conspicuous amount of attention when I wear that shirt around New York. (One time outside of a bar I got roped into talking with this small jazzed-up Jew who said he was going to Israel to join some division in about two weeks, and he assumed that I had been in the s**t and I didn't bother to correct him.) After a few seconds, Val is still pointing at me. I pull one of those, "Who me?" deals, pointing quizzically at my own chest and then turning around to see who else he could be pointing to. Val doesn't respond ("Yes, that's right, you") instead he finishes his report and just turns and walks off toward the elevators. It's over.
Surely, I am thinking, I invented my role in this particular drama. But no. The security guard is ambling over to me. My heart is drumming.
We both lean against a pillar, like men of the world. He has a Russian accent. "I don't know if is true or not," he begins, "is not really my business. But he is saying that you are ... stalking him."
"What?" I said. "That's preposterous."
"Is possible he's crazy, I don't know, but I just thought I let you know, he says you have been following him. For an hour. I just tell you, in case, I don't know."
His name is Nick, and he is very sympathetic. We shake our heads at the presumption of celebrities. We talk about the sculpture on the roof, and he recommends I look up the artist online. Then we part.
Here's what I think. Old, crazy, paranoid Val Kilmer saw me, an Israeli guard tough guy, looking at him, and turning away to send a text message: Val Kilmer on the roof at the Met.
"S**t," he's thinking. "They found me. Time to leave the state again. Let me throw some roadblocks up in this guy's path before I go, though. Let him try to follow me from jail. Heh, heh, heh."
I stayed in the Met for another hour, continually convinced that I was going to run into him, in some small room off the modernist wing, for example, where I'd be unable to deny that I was, indeed, following him. I sort of hoped I would see him. The story needed an epilogue, I thought. But, alas, I didn't, and it doesn't.
Do you have a bizarre tale of Val Kilmer? Let us know in the comments.



























Comments:
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Wednesday 14 October
By bdy
yes, weird story is my roommate said i looked like Val Kilmer.... and I am Chinese
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Thursday 22 October
By Sally
Not really a story, but my teens have a teacher named Mr. Kilmer who everyone says is Val's cousin. He does look like VK did about 10 years ago.
Thursday 15 October
By scholfield
please kill your computer and never write another article(or maybe even talk)again. the internet thanks you
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Thursday 15 October
By Vhynot
This story doesn't need an epilogue, it needs to be edited into something that's actually worth reading.
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Wednesday 21 October
By TerenceD
I enjoyed the article. never mind the haters.
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Wednesday 21 October
By me
He is trying to be a tough guy.I bet a million bucks that he grew up with money.
Reply
Thursday 22 October
By ds
I will take your bet, and deposit it into my bank account. I live in the same town that his mother lives. Granted it's a nice house I would classify them as "rich"
Wednesday 21 October
By Heyslugger
One day while I was working as a plain-clothed loss prevention agent at the Apple store at the Glendale Galleria Drew Carey came in. It was part of my job to follow celebs at a distance to discourage any over zealous fans. I saw him walk up to my manager and point me out...my story ended a little better. My boss told him who I was. He laughed and walked off un-stalked.
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Thursday 22 October
By kh32962
Years ago I was part of an EMT team that treated Kilmer for burns after the feather duster he'd shoved up his butt caught fire.
Reply
Thursday 22 October
By Peaches
What!? No!
Thursday 22 October
By mike
Once, at a film convention/meet-and-greet in New Jersey, Val Kilmer had made an appearance. The gruff and haggard looking Mr.Kilmer only wanted to play his guitar, and read his book of very boring poetry. When in essence he was there to sign autographs and mingle with fans. After the show, his so called "agent" another gruff and haggard looking guy had to show Mr.Kilmer to his hotel room because Mr.Kilmer was lost in the hotel and cold not locate his room after he left the convention lobby.
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Friday 23 October
By Tom
I was on a flight a few weeks ago with Val. He was on his way to Vancouver and he was very cool and friendly. He said 'hi' and spoke briefly but you can tell he also wanted his privacy which was respected by all. Val loves his Croc shoes.
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Friday 23 October
By Mike
No wonder that this Kilmer guy is paranoid with creeps like Daniel, the Wanna be Israli guard, chasing him around a art museum, and making comments on his appearance. I've heard it all before. "he's so old, so fat, so skinny, so haggard, so unlike the hero I made him into. I've ask myself if I could handle it....probaly not, and neither could Daniel. Daniel needs to get a life
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