We've all been there -- a few hours before you're supposed to head out to a Halloween party, and you haven't had the time or money to put together a decent costume. Then suddenly, a flash of inspiration hits you or one of your buddies -- but all too often, the final product is just sad at best, or lands you in jail, rumbling with some poor girl's boyfriend, at worst. We conducted a highly scientific poll (based on our understanding of what constitutes science) of Asylum's writers, staff and friends and came up with this list of some of the most sorry, cheap or just totally tasteless last minute costumes we've ever seen or shamefully worn ourselves.
Jim: As a last minute costume, I dressed up in metrosexual garb, put a bow on my head, and then placed a gift tag on my shirt that read: "To -- Women, From -- God." Obviously, I was "God's gift to women." I did not make out with anyone that night.
Tommy: Last year, I was Mr. Blonde from Reservoir Dogs. I wore a black suit, black tie, and a nametag that said "Hi, I'm Mr. Blonde."
Jennifer: Living up to expectation, my friend and I each put on ripped nylons, a man's button-down shirt, and heels. We smudged our makeup, messed up an updo, and said we were "The Morning After.
Keep reading for more cheap and tasteless costume ideas.
Jim: A good friend went to a house party in college with huge cardboard cutouts over his shoulders that must have been five feet wide. He walked through the party and just kept on knocking into people and spilling drinks. On the cardboard, he painted the words, "In The Way." He was In The Way.
Justin: Last year at a Halloween party I was attending, someone dressed as The Shocker -- basically a hand costume with certain fingers taped down and some smudges on the pinky.
Joshua: My best/worst costume was during my sophomore year in high school. I dressed as a crack vial. Man, I miss the 80's.
Eric: For some reason, I thought it would be awesome to go as an Oscar, like the statue people win at the Academy Awards. I painted my face gold and spray-painted a John Mayer t-shirt the same. But someone at the party was "chemically sensitive" and said they were having a reaction to the spray paint (although I suspect it was really a reaction to John Mayer) and begged me to take it off. Shirtless, with a face that was truly more brown than gold, my costume became simply "sh#t-faced."
Brian: In case you forgot, there's always this one.
Jim: Our costumes growing up were always homemade since there were seven of us. I remember in 2nd grade, I threw together something in about five minutes -- I had some brown skinny boots, sweat pants, a shirt, vest, and a sword. I was, "a prince." I think that was before I knew what gay was.
Ian: Last year there was a run on sh&t costumes. A pile with a halo called "holy sh*t," a pile with horns called "bullsh%t" and so on. They were awful. Just awful.
Chris: A friend put a lamp shade on his head and wrote on his shirt "I'm a touch lamp: Touch me and I get turned on." Yes, he got laid that night.
We're pretty sure we're lightweights on the topic, so if you think that costume you wore last year that people are still talking about has us beat, please leave a comment and let us know.
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Friday 23 October
By Heavytoka
When in doubt just throw a condom on your head and be a dick. Last year though I wrapped my body in plastic wrap and was packaged meat; it was so last minute and the tin foil I tried first to be the tin man wouldn't stay on.
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Friday 23 October
By misanthropegirl
I had a lot of these low-maintenance costumes as a kid. Garbage bag? White gloves? You're a California Raisin!
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Friday 23 October
By NILBOG
Cut a whole in a potato and squeeze your man parts into it. Then you would be a Dictator.
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Monday 26 October
By Stephanie
I once went as a horror movie victim. Just wore normal clothes, and at one point in the night went to the bathroom, broke fake blood ass over my face/neck, and went back to the party like nothing had happened. Scared the sh&t out of my roommate when I went back home and fell asleep on the couch.
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Tuesday 27 October
By dean
one year i just put on pot on my head it was pretty funny except i was like 12 and the houses i knocked didnt think it was some of them just closed the door. tha next year after that i just wore plain cloths and when someone give me candy i would est it right there and throw the trash down and say im a litter bug
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Thursday 29 October
By Rory
i understand that as a poor college student you're supposed to improvise on costumes but too many people are trying to be "tricky" as a substitute for cheap. For example i saw some one dressed in black with a picture of a shot glass taped to them... shot in the dark, get it? lame.
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Friday 30 October
By loni2069
my husband hates dressing up so i always have to come up with something easy for him - one year i went all out and dressed as a pumpkin - face paint, big costume, fake greenery - the whole bit. my husband just had pumpkin seeds glued to his face. that's right - peter peter pumpkin eater! it was great and everybody loved it!
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Friday 30 October
By Peggy
My husband also likes the simple costumes. In 2005 (the year of Katrina) we wore business casual clothes and using black electrical tape, put FEMA across our backs. We printed the full color FEMA logo and put it in a lanyard. On the other side we had a paper that said, "We'll be there for you...tomorrow." We also passed our Lifesavers candies. Our simple cleverness won us a prize!
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Friday 30 October
By Lucas schlup
Cheapest costume ever using home products. Things you will need a cardbaord box and a lampshade. Put the cardboard box around your chest and the lamp shade on your head. You are now offically a one night stand.
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Friday 30 October
By sandivon
We were supposed to dress up for halloween at work. Our IT guy was dead set against dressing up, but under pressure from the "higher ups", he arrived at work with a map of the world pinned to his shirt and some fake spider web junk stretched over it. He said he was the world wide web.
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Monday 02 November
By Bert
This year I had a totally free costume, and one of the simplest I've done as well. Put on an undershirt inside-out and backwards, a collared shirt buttoned wrong, wrinkled, and tucked into your underwear, wrinkled pants with a belt missing some belt loops, two different socks, two different shoes, a haphazard tie, and a coffee mug.
I was - late for work.
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Thursday 05 November
By mynameisjack999
This year me and my buddies has a group costume set up, Then my roommate got sick so at the last minute i threw together a costume to be Tom (the guy from myspace) It was a white t-shirt and written across the from was F*** Facebook and on the back it said TOM and the myspace logo. Everyone i saw in town that night loved it
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