Remember MySpace? We kinda do -- it was like Facebook, but with ugly backgrounds that took forever to load and threatened to crash our computers, and every time we clicked on an old high-school friend's profile, it played a Rage Against the Machine song. Oh, and Rupert Murdoch bought it for $580 million. That site!

Well, it turns out that the site still exists (though the cottage industry that sprang up instructing people how to use it more effectively seems to have died), and we ventured back onto it for old time's sake. After braving the desolation, we discovered that there are still a handful of people using MySpace, and for the most part, they fit nicely into these five categories:

Metal Bands Who Don't Care About You and Your Stupid Facebook Status
The last time we logged in to MySpace before today was in January. The last time the dudes in "Faceblaster" did it was lunchtime. MySpace, it turns out, still offers some genuine utility to bands, since it hosts their music in an easy-to-load player, and the customizable graphics can make it feel like you're at an official Web site if you squint real hard. And since bands on MySpace were never really that into interacting with the other users (unless they were trying to get laid on tour), the fact that there are tumbleweeds blowing through the site isn't really a drawback -- if they didn't care about your bulletins back when you bothered to post them, they don't care that you're not posting them now.

Amateur Models Who Want to Be Told How Hot They Are by Random Dudes
Since Facebook tends to inform all of your friends and family every time you go to the bathroom, there's a disincentive toward posting "Oh my god i would hit that" underneath every picture of a pretty girl with some exposed cleavage -- the last thing anyone wants is Great Aunt Marcia reading every pervy comment they've posted in the middle of a lonely night. Furthermore, Facebook's privacy settings -- while can be modified -- create a sort of natural barrier against using it to rack up huge numbers of comments from total strangers, which means that ladies looking to jump-start a modeling career through social networking sites are likely to go down with the MySpace ship.

Tom
Back when people were still joining MySpace, a commonly heard question was "Who the hell is Tom?" -- a reference to the site's founder, who was immediately added to the friend list of every new user. Despite a pretty hilarious fake Facebook page, Tom inked a deal with the site he sold to News Corp to maintain his profile and presence on the site -- and not do much else -- for a cool $500,000 a year. At a rate like that, we'd probably stay in touch with our moms and aunts via postcards and phonecalls, rather than Facebook, too.

"Answerer 1"
The hideous, largely un-navigable profile pages full of blinking animated gifs, glittery backgrounds and epilepsy-triggering color combinations likely drove a lot of readers away from MySpace, but there are at least a few who find that to be a favorite feature. One of the answers to the Yahoo! Answers question "Do People Still Use MySpace" spoke for them when it stated, "Facebook is the lame one cause u can't change the ur porfile background like u can on my space [sic]". For people who fancy a glaringly ugly "porfile" and the ability to customize it to their terrible tastes, MySpace apparently still holds some charm.

Dead People
Like the evil that men do, a person's MySpace page -- rather than being interred with their bones -- lives on after its creator's death. Back when the living still spent a goodly amount of time on the site, that led a ghoulish, mean-spirited companion Web site called "MyDeathSpace" to seek out and post the profiles of the recently departed. Now that MySpace is largely ignored, the site focuses instead on updating its users on celebrity deaths (via, naturally, a Twitter feed), but the profiles remain. It's creepy to think about, but even as the number of actual users on the site dwindles, the number of tombstone pages will continue to grow.

Now that we've harshed your buzz, tell us in the comments -- when was the last time you logged on to MySpace, and why?

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