The Huffington Post is reporting that a group of musicians is demanding the release of information about what music was used to torture detainees at Guantanamo Bay, in an effort to bring to light any illegalities in the treatment of prisoners at the facility.There's nothing funny about allegations of playing music for 72 hours straight at volumes just shy of eardrum-shattering, and at that volume, it shouldn't make a difference what song is being played.
However, we got to thinking about some of the people who annoy the bejeebus out of our readers, and we designed a playlist to pay some of them back.
Jon Gosselin
We considered "Your Cheatin' Heart," but that didn't seem to be the particular organ at work, and although "You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille" would certainly get old fast, the lyrics only work in Bizarro World.
Final Answer: "Busted" by Ray Charles conveys both Gosselin being caught in the act and his burgeoning, well-deserved poverty.
Balloon Boy's Dad
The 5th Dimension's "Up, Up, and Away" is not only too obvious, it's also a really good listen. "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin fits the bad parenting bill, but this guy actually makes his kids miserable while simultaneously being there.
Final Answer: We can't think of a more fitting taunt for the desperate fame-whore than "Who Are You?"
Kanye West
If we could be guaranteed that it would be sung in person by Taylor Swift, we'd go with Ludacris's "Get Back." While "Get Off of My Cloud" fits the bill, once again, it's too musically redeeming.
Final Answer: Although there is a galaxy of annoying novelty songs to choose from, we think "Shaddap You Face" is the perfect answer to "I'mma let you finish."
Michael Vick
We would support "Atomic Dog" only if we could get a version that was stripped of everything but George Clinton's lead vocal. A close runner-up here was The Osmonds' "Puppy Love."
Final Answer: "Who Let the Dogs Out," provided it is accompanied by someone actually letting some dogs out to give Vick a piece of their mind.
Glenn Beck
"Hound Dog" sums up Beck's signature sobbing nicely, but it's too narrow. Counting Crows' "Mr. Jones (and Me)" is similarly over-specific.
Final Answer: No possessions? No religion? Every line of the song "Imagine" seems designed to torment Beck.
Pontius Pilate
Pretty much any song played through a modern stereo will have this douchebag clutching his ears and screaming, "What sorcery is this?!?!" Even so, let's go with ...
Final Answer: "Achy Breaky Heart."
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Wednesday 28 October
By Heavytoka
Don't forget Rush Limbaugh; just hearing his voice drives me insane!
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