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Earlier this week, walking controversy Alan Grayson (D-Fla.) delivered a maudlin and tear-filled performance during a House hearing on health care. Grayson's sensitivity is matched in intensity only by his insensitivity, but it got us wistfully reliving all those man-cry moments politicians have brought us over the years.

Back in 1972, Democrat Ed Muskie was swept out of the running for president after a supposedly teary defense of his wife against criticism of her by the press, depriving a generation of the hilarious opportunity to say President Muskie every day. Fast-forward 20 years and meet Bill "I feel your pain" Clinton. With a terminally quivering lip and his on-demand pain receptors, Clinton set a whole new standard for weepy men. Let's take a look at a classic Clinton cry, brought to us by the man from Hope's nemesis -- Rush Limbaugh:


"We laughed, we cried" is a common enough aphorism, Mr. President, but probably shouldn't be taken as literal instructions. Still, full man points for yukking it up at a funeral. Also notice his craft: He's crying, but just barely, wipes the tears away brusquely ... a magnificent performance. Some of us could learn a thing or two -- not from this next one though:


Now, don't misunderstand. Old dudes getting choked up by their love of country is certainly a touching thing. But the delivery here needs serious work. If you get to the point where people are starting to wonder if maybe you didn't just get a Novocain shot to the face, you've overdone it. Subtlety, gentlemen, subtlety. Here, watch Chuck Schumer:


See how he chokes it down? Very good. Unfortunately Chuck forgot the other rule of man-crying: context. Political man-crying isn't something done casually; you have to plan the right moment. Blubbering about Sotomayor, unless you are Sotomayor, is just plain wrong. Planning, gentlemen. Watch and learn:


Wait, didn't we just see that guy in another video? Anyway, that's some context right there. There are a few things that any man, political or otherwise, is allowed to cry about at any time: the cancellation of "Firefly," bacon, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, and the Super Bowl are among them. If 9/11 isn't context, I don't know what is. On the other hand:


A reporter weeping for joy over the outcome of an election is the height of journalistic integrity, of course. But as far as man-crying goes this is just a wet mess. You don't brag about crying after you cry, especially not about the outcome of an election, definitely not while throwing your parents under the racist bus, absolutely not describing yourself as having "wept" and, most imperative of all, you don't get choked up at the notion of yourself having previously been choked up!! Just ... wow.

Of course, no discussion of crying in politics is complete without the following video. It's not, strictly speaking, political men crying. But on the other hand, it's hysterically funny.


Awesome. Show us your best "politician crying" link in the comments. We're tearing up with anticipation already.

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