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Anyone eager for insightful legal advice with a healthy dose of attitude can't do much better than "So Sue Me, Jackass!" This irreverent guide to suing and being sued answers the age-old questions about things like porn-watching at work and whether or not an employer can make you dance with a giant inflatable guitar during a job interview.

The duo of Amy Epstein Feldman and Robin Epstein parses U.S. law with such sass that we start feeling that familiar tingling down in our legal briefs. But before we get totally carried away: "You should only sue when you have no other options," the sisters caution. "You should always think of a lawsuit as a last resort, not a first step."

Asylum posed a few questions to Amy and Robin for the sake of our readers. It's the kind of stuff you really need to know, from what to do if the girl you take home ends up being 16, to the legal ramifications of naming your firstborn Bong ...

She said she was 18
So you bring a girl home from the bar and she lies about her age. Are you going to be sharing a jail cell with Roman Polanski? "Well, in 17 states, you can claim 'mistake' as a defense to statutory rape, the crime of having consensual sex with a person under the age of consent," Amy and Robin advise.

"Of course, that also means that in 33 states you can't make this claim, so you'd be screwed, and this time not in a fun way. (FYI, in most of the 17 states where that defense does fly, the young 'un must be at least 14 years old. In the others, that age is 10, but to those states let us just say: eewwww)"

For Amy and Robin, the solution is simple: "If you have an inkling that your new friend might not pass the 'of majority' sniff test, start thinking with your big head and check some ID -- or risk exile in Europe for 30+ years."

Meet my son, Bong
Having a kid can be a drag, so why not liven it up by naming your offspring something whimsical and idiotic? "There's no U.S. agency that stands in judgment of your piss-poor name choices. The name that appears on your social security card cannot be printed with a number, so 666 is out of the question. But if you choose to name your little devil Lucifer the only folks who will tell you that you can't are your horrified relatives and your kid's future therapist, who will then charge you an arm and a leg to undo that psychological damage.

"As for whether your kid can sue you for pain and suffering, we suspect that any parents who choose to name their charge Bong will have inflicted much more damage to the poor kid than a name he can change later in life."

Amateur hour at Porn Hub
So your ex-girlfriend agreed to film a sex video to celebrate your birthday. Then she broke your heart and started boning your old roommate. Since you were the one holding the camera, you own that video ... right? What's stopping you from achieving instant infamy on Pornhub.com?

"It is worth a mention that unless your girlfriend/partner/paid employee was an active and willing participant, the making of a video like that presents some concern of criminal charges. But if that doesn't stop you, let Verne Troyer (aka Mini-Me) and his mini-meat be a lesson to you. He has sued his now-ex-girlfriend for $20 million for allegedly releasing snippets of the sex tape they made together. Bottom line: Save the tape for your own viewing pleasure and find yourself a new partner."

Lawsuit in Cougar Town
Male bosses often get most of the heat for sexual harassment, but we know there are some wily cougars out there making the workplace mighty uncomfortable. Your drinking buddies might never stop laughing at you, but male employees shouldn't refrain from taking action against female bosses. "Hey, enough bad mouthing of the cougars -- old girls got needs, too," Amy and Robin stress. "But yes, the type of sexual harassment you describe, quid pro quo sexual harassment, in which a job action is directly related to your acquiescence to sexual favors, is not based on the boss's gender. And it's applied equally to male and female bosses and in both the heterosexual and homosexual context."

Reasons to refrain from beheading-by-machete
You're out at the bar and some world-class d-bag decides to shove your girlfriend. You retaliate the only way you know how -- by beating him senseless and drooling until security arrives to chuck you out the door. That's self-defense, isn't it? You were defending your girlfriend's honor, after all.

"Aw, who says chivalry is dead? But it's a good thing that drunken d**khead you pummeled didn't go the way of the dodo," Amy and Robin say. "Self-defense is the legal use of force when it appears reasonably necessary to prevent an impending injury to yourself or to a third party. So while you could use force to protect your girlfriend from a physical threat, the first question the police will ask you when they knock on your door (and they will, by the way), is whether or not a shove by some drunken asshole really posed a credible threat of injury."

Just say no to text-stalking
What about all those drunken, belligerent text messages you send to your ex -- can they come back to haunt you in court? "You betcha. It's a safe bet that when Alexander Graham Bell uttered the words 'Mr. Watson, come here,' the last part of his sentence wasn't 'so I can ask you for the 700th time why you don't love me anymore, baby.' And he probably didn't foresee that 100 years later his little invention could be used to stalk and harass ex-lovers. But the legislature did, and unwelcome texting is recognized as one form of criminal harassment.

"The first step your ex will probably take won't be to file a lawsuit for civil damages. But she may go down to the courthouse and file a protection from abuse order against you. And since no one wants to have to stand before a judge to explain that they're not a stalker, when you're feeling blue call your mother, and reach out and touch someone who really loves you."

Want more whip-smart legal advice from the ladies? Pick up a copy of So Sue Me, Jackass!