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It sounds like something from a particularly disturbing episode of "The Twilight Zone." A couple, for whom true love waited (or at least insisted on condoms), discover on their wedding night the ultimate sexual incompatibility: She's allergic to his spunk.

And not just "hay fever" allergic -- "The pain that I was feeling was inside, like somebody sticking needles up inside of me like a real painful burning," Julie Boyde, of Cincinnati, told U.K. paper Metro about the after-sex feeling she received following initial attempts at unprotected sex with her husband, Mike.

We consulted Dr. Clifford W. Bassett, whose name is followed by acronyms including the standard MD and the new-to-us FAAAAI (Fellow of the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology), and who serves on the faculty of the NYU School of Medicine, in the hope that he could put some of our fears to rest about the condition called spunk allergy "seminal plasma hypersensitivity."

"According to a recent review of coital allergy, there were fewer than a hundred cases of the more severe generalized allergic-type reaction," Dr. Bassett informed us, which offered some reassurance, though that doesn't mean that the odds of some discomfort are a strict 100 in however-many-women-are-on-the-planet. "Persistent or recurring local allergic reactions -- itchiness, genital swelling and burning -- are more common."

Furthermore, if you're filing away in your mental post-coital rolodex an excuse like, "This is your fault, I'm totally not poisonous," to offer to a woman who's breaking out in hives after she was goodly enough to come into contact with your sperm, it may not suffice. The reaction may just be a result of your semen, buddy.

"It depends on whether a woman is actually allergic to some of the specific proteins" in her partner's seminal fluid, the doctor explained, which means that she and her last boyfriend may have been A-OK, but you're pretty much shooting ragweed.

And for some final bad news on the matter, Dr. Bassett informed us that there's no real medical data about what happens when a woman who suffers from seminal plasma hypersensitivity encounters semen via a means other than vaginal intercourse. We suspect it'd be hard to convince the young lady of your fancy to conduct an experiment and determine if the same swelling occurs in her throat, which could mean she gets an unfortunate red flag.

There is, however, a bright spot -- while the treatment the Boydes are opting for is "allergen avoidance," which means a lifetime of condoms and adopting their kids, another option is "intra-vaginal rush desensitization," which isn't as terrifying as it sounds. This involves applying a steadily increasing amount of semen to the woman in question, until she builds a tolerance. Best of all, you'll then be under strict doctor's orders to go at it at least once every 48 hours in order to make sure that the treatment sticks. When life hands you seminal plasma hypersensitivity, we say you should make seminal plasma-ade.