Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert.

Much like dog- and cockfighting, the global phenomenon that is midget wrestling has gotten a bad rap in recent years, reaping stern warnings from the halls of Capitol Hill, nasty telegrams from Ringling Brothers, and condemnation from the Church of Jesus Christ Latter of Day Saints.

Clearly, the sport is legal, and certainly, there is little that is more entertaining, other than watching reruns of ABC's "Webster."

As I was training mules in Afghanistan on behalf of the U.S. government this week, I asked American Mustache Institute Chairman Dr. Aaron Perlut to take on an assignment for Asylum. His task: to enter the alleyways of America and investigate midget wrestling at its finest ... and dirtiest ... and sexiest.



For Dr. Abraham J. Froman's mustache perspective, check in every Wednesday on Asylum.