We got a kick out of our sister site Lemondrop's list of 15 literary characters they'd sleep with
(Holden Caulfield? Yep, at least one of us has used that storied name on dating sites.), so we thought it'd be fun to put together our own list of fictional hotties from between the pages whom we'd like to see between the sheets. Read on for our picks for hottest literary ladies.
Ah, the beautiful crazy chick. You drive us to distraction, but that makes us want you more ... at least until we have to share an apartment with you. Ophelia, Hamlet's noblewoman crush, falls to pieces after the death of her dad, talking in riddles and singing bawdy songs about death and losing your virginity. Sounds like a typical Friday night in crazy-girl world, although Ophelia took her madness too far and got herself drowned in a tragic accident/suicide.
14. Mary Magdalene
Taking the Bible-as-literature approach from English class, we couldn't help but think of ol' Mary Magdalene, who is usually thought of as a great looker. "Da Vinci Code" conspiracy theories aside, M.M. is definitely a reformed bad girl, even if it's unclear whether she actually worked as a prostitute. We like a good girl with a naughty past, and there was no one more devoted to her man.
13. Annabel Lee
Her name might not immediately ring "The Bells," but Annabel Lee is the subject of one of Edgar Allan Poe's last poems. Like much of the troubled author's work, it's all about the untimely death of a stunningly beautiful woman, perhaps inspired by his own tragedies. The narrator and Annabel Lee love each other so much that the angels get jealous and smite her. Anyone hot enough to piss off the heavenly hosts is someone we'd like to get to know ... Biblically.
12. The Girl From "Go Ask Alice"
Although we were told to read this faux nonfiction book in high school in order to be fortified against the dangers of drugs and promiscuous behavior, we couldn't help but develop feelings for the story's unnamed protagonist. Sweet and naïve, the girl just wants to fit in. We wouldn't mind showing her a few ways of the world, with no need to resort to chemical trickery.
11. Hester Prynne
With all that pent-up guilt and rage, we bet "The Scarlet Letter"'s Hester Prynne is a real live one once you finally get her in the sack. Yes, she has some baggage, but we kinda wonder what all the fuss is about. What could be more exciting than seducing the town's (literally) branded sinner?
10. Rachael Rosen
Cute, pixie-like and strange, the young Rachael Rosen gets under Deckard's skin in Philip K. Dick's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" (which was adapted on film as "Blade Runner"). In the book, relations between humans and androids are strictly forbidden. But that makes us even more curious about crossing that proverbial line ...
9. The White Witch
Speaking of forbidden, there's something sexy about a beautiful, authoritarian woman at the top. Sure, she can turn you into an ice sculpture if you scorn her, but we wonder what it would be like to snuggle up next to the robed villain in "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." After all, she does rule over the land of talking beavers.
8. Madame Bovary
A 19th-century Real Housewife of New Jersey, Emma Bovary chases meaning and feeling in her bland suburban life with extramarital affairs and living beyond her means. Before her indiscretions catch up with her, Emma sounds like a good deal of fun.
7. Anna Karenina
Another literary Girl Gone Wild is Tolstoy's Anna Karenina, who chases adventure and true love in what some consider one of the greatest novels ever written. Anna is rebellious, gorgeous and bursting with heart and spirit. We don't really blame Vronksy for trying to seduce her.
Scheherazade, from "One Thousand and One Nights," is the beautiful virgin bride of a ruthless king, who had gone through more women than Bill Maher (only the king had them all executed). To prolong her days on Earth, the stunning, clever Scheherazade tells the king a series of fabulous stories, each with a cliffhanger, for 1,001 nights. A beautiful, smart girl who will tell us stories in bed of genies, thieves and magical lands? Need we say more?
5. Hermione Granger
When she finishes growing up, we'd like to make some magic with Hermione. Cute, clever and cunning, Hermione won us over with her girl-next-doorness. We're not sure if she's into muggles but we can't help a crush.
4. Lady Galadriel
As fantastic an actress as Cate Blanchett is, no one could hope to do justice to "Lord of the Ring"'s Lady Galadriel. Even the elves were blown away by her stellar beauty and her long magical hair. Since she can read minds she would probably be very difficult to date, but we wouldn't turn down a tryst in the enchanted wood.
The ultimate forbidden fruit, Lolita should forever remain untouchable ... at least until she's legal.
Although we don't know a whole lot about the real Cleopatra, we know the mythical version in Shakespeare and many other stories is pretty darn hot. A powerful and eclectic ruler of a romantic land, Cleopatra stirs up fantasies of steamy African nights and pure pleasure.
1. Helen of Troy
So beautiful that she inspired nations of men to murderous fury, Helen of Troy had the original face that launched a thousand ships. While Helen had more hype than a Roland Emmerich flick, we certainly wouldn't mind the chance to see what all the fuss is about. Since her father was a god and her husband was the king of Sparta, fooling around with Helen is among the most dangerous things a guy could do.
All photos from Amazon.com.
Let us know who we missed in the comments.
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