The urge to pair-bond is a very primal, natural thing. Even bugs do it, and bugs are gross. And sure, some of them get their heads eaten as a result, but the point is that most of us want to be in a partnership with another person. But with so many choices out there, how do you know the woman you're considering is the right one? How do you know when to take it from girlfriend to wife?
Lucky for you we keep a team of sociologists and relationship experts locked in the basement here at Asylum who can shed light on this issue and offer up nine ways you know it's time to lock that relationship down.
9. She signs up for her own WoW account.
You may consider "World of Warcraft" the ultimate expression of nerdism, but playing Warcraft as a couple actually brings you closer together
. It also shows she's willing to take on the mantle of an undead warlock who will summon demons to kill enemies at your side, which is way cooler than watching reruns of "Sex and the City."
8. She introduces porn.
You know what's cooler than a woman who is not only willing to watch porn with you, but will actively find it on her own for your mutual enjoyment
? Pretty much nothing, unless she brings beer and chicken home with it.
7. She tries to out-drink you.
If she wants to show you up by drinking you under the table, it means she's not only competitive, but awesomely competitive the way your college roommate was. It's like a college roommate with boobs, which was pretty much what everyone in a co-ed dorm had hoped for. It also means she's relaxed, so you don't have to be afraid of scheduling a night out with the guys, because she's cool with it. She could even come and shame them
, which is funny.
6. She wants to spend a Saturday watching the collected works of George Romero.
OK, maybe not "Monkey Shines
." One of the most difficult things in the world to do is bridge the gap between the sexes in film. Sure, most dramas are gender-free, but as sure as no guy wants to watch a Renee Zellweger film, most women are staunchly opposed to zombie gorefests
. If she's down for contrasting the original "Dawn of the Dead" with the remake, she's a keeper.
. She laughs at farting.
This seems innocuous and, arguably, kind of nasty, but at the same time everyone should recognize that every once in a while, farting is hilarious. There's a reason kids laugh about it: It's funny. We're not suggesting you Dutch oven your girlfriend
, but if you're having dinner with the family and in the middle of a conversation grandma lets loose a rim rocker and your girl can't suppress laughter, it means she's not only got a sense of humor, she has your sense of humor.
4. She points out hot women to you.
Many times in your life you've likely experienced a woman trash-talking another woman for no discernible reason and in the interests of self-preservation you agree that, yes, that girl with her thong sticking out does look trashy. But if she points out that girl's thong and mentions how hot it makes her ass look -- and it's not a trick -- you have yourself a winner.
3. She encourages you to spend time with other hot women.
This one's all about trust and security. If she has hot friends (or you do) and you're all out at the club and she wants you to go dance with one of them (and again, isn't trying to trick you), that means she trusts you enough to let you spend time with other women, which is healthy, and is secure enough with you and your relationship that she knows nothing is going to happen. Plus, it implies she might like the show, which is pretty hot.
2. She's ready for a tailgate party.
The best part of any live football event is not the football. If she's already got the cooler packed with beer and beef before you even wake up in the morning, it doesn't matter if she's a sports chick or not. You don't even need to be a sports guy. You have beer and beef and you have it together.
1. She's OK with sex on the balcony.
Or maybe it's a parking garage. Or an elevator. Or the dairy aisle. Basically, if she's not hung up about sex, you're in a good position. No one wants to come out and say sex is the most important part of a relationship, but it's definitely one of the important parts, and if you're not compatible or want different things, that's not going to work itself out in its own.
A woman who enjoys some spontaneity and adventure when it comes to sex is someone you're bound to have fun with for a long time to come, with little fear of things getting stale.
How will/did you know it was time to lock it down?
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