Want to increase your chances of having sex? Silly question, we know -- of course you do. Well, we've done some research (must be scientific about such things), broken down the studies (you'd be surprised how many there are) and, using some seat-of-the-pants mathematical manipulation (as in, we kind of guessed), devised this nifty chart. You'll see that it's a pie chart, and all the slices add up to 100 percent.

Yep. That's right. If you can do all of these things, you're pretty much guaranteed some, well, pie.

Of course, by then you'll be too tired to perform, probably.

One disclaimer before we get into an explanation of where the pie chart came from: We must warn against getting too buff. Yes, you'll get the great chicks in big numbers. But, you're also more likely to live a shorter life than your less-muscular amigos. (OK, we get it -- at least you'll die with a smile on your face.)

Here's where we got our info:

A European study showed that "23 percent of the women [surveyed] reported they consumed alcohol to increase their chances of sex."

A study of husbands and wives indicates there's nothing sexier than doing some extra housework.

An Italian study found that drinking red wine lowers inhibitions (no surprise): "Women who drink one to two glasses of wine a day were found to be more sexually active than those who abstain."

That same Italian study also concluded that "dark chocolate, which is rich in antioxidants, has a similarly positive effect on the female libido."

As a Princeton University study suggests, "Diet and exercise may even increase your chances of sexual activity." The researchers didn't give any, ahem, hard figures.

An Elon College study of 200 women suggested that chicks dig the big brains, for both the long haul and for a fling. "In potential husbands, women look for signs that a man might be a good provider and father. In one-night stands, women are on the prowl for little more than 'good' genes, not to mention a good time," said the study's lead researcher.

Another Italian study indicated that women who wear very high heels have stronger pelvic muscles, which leads to more orgasms (aka better sex), which leads to a stronger sex drive. We like that domino effect.

Physically fit women have more orgasms. It follows that they probably have more sex, and enjoy it more (and there's more credit for you!). You can usually find plenty of physically fit women at the gym. Incidentally, this study was released during a lead-up to National Orgasm Day. Write it down on your calendar: July 31.

New Scientist reported on a roundup of studies suggesting that "women tend to prefer more toned men, and muscle-bound men tend to have more sexual partners than slender men." There is plenty of research that suggests that being buff comes at the expense of a suppressed immune system, which usually leads to more illnesses.

Texas A&M's Fruit and Vegetable Improvement Center reports that watermelon has a Viagra-like effect and "may even increase libido." That's a good enough reason for us to give it a try.

An MIT study indicates that women prefer men who have names with stressed front vowels. So, if you have a choice, call yourself Dave, Craig, Ben, Jake, Rick, Steve or Matt, rather than Lou, Paul, Luke, Tom, Charles, George or John. We should note that this study shows that there are always exceptions: We're pretty sure that certain Pauls, Georges and Johns got more than their fair share.

Links From The Web:

NHL Ice Girls Are Nice to Look At
Hockey: The sport with everything. (The Chive)
Hottest Women of the Arab World
Who don't wear veils (sorry, easy joke). (AskMen)
Bamboo Milk In The Shower... Who Needs Real Sex? (Burbia)