Ever wondered what the theme is behind Spike TV's hit show "1,000 Ways to Die," the over-the-top, frenetically edited celebration of the inane, inappropriate and downright nonsensical manners in which people bite the dust? Producer Thom Beers sums up the show succinctly: "All orifices are under assault in this series."

Regarding those orifices, it's amazing how deadly common objects can be when they're put where they don't belong. (Javelin in the eye, anyone?)

For Beers, who also produced such reality TV classics as "Deadliest Catch" and "Ice Road Truckers," the show isn't simply about gloating over deadly idiocy. "Most people, they're aware of their vulnerability," he says. "They're aware that at any moment something could happen and take 'em out. People like to be reminded of that. It helps them realize how precious and important living is." (Funny -- this is exactly the revelation we had while watching a girl masturbate herself to death with a carrot.)

"They're cautionary tales," Beers continues. "It helps you make better life choices."

We asked Beers to run down some of his favorite brutal moments from "1,000 Ways to Die." He also explained why everyone from hospice nurses to Jennifer Love Hewitt can't get enough of the believe-it-or-not carnage. And if you still aren't sated by these bizarre fatalities, our previous rundown of castrating cannibals, auto-erotic mishaps, and killer monkeys will tide you over for a while.



God hates you
This clip from the upcoming season spotlights a holy roller who's blabbing about Jesus at a party. Nobody in attendance can stand the guy -- and it seems that God himself is pissed off enough to send an errant meteor shard straight through the poor bastard's chest. "If you're going to die by lightning or a meteor," Beers says, "it's like God pointing right at you: 'You! You're gone!'" (If this is the case, we've got to wonder: Why is Dane Cook still alive?)

He who dealt it ... (Way to Die #103)
Another of Beers' upcoming favorites is the hapless "fart trainer," who accidentally immolates himself. ("They [actually] have fart competitions," Beers notes, in case you're curious.) This isn't just dumb fun, either -- it's an educational experience, he points out: "Going back to the science of it, how methane is manufactured in the colon -- this is great stuff."

All choked up (Way to Die #114)
One of those "life choices" that Beers spoke of might be never to practice fellatio on a vegetable in the great outdoors. One girl who attempted it didn't live long enough to try the real thing. "She's working on her gag reflex with a zucchini in a garden, and accidentally steps on a rake," Beers tells us. "The rake comes up ... whomp! ... the zucchini [goes] right in her throat and she chokes to death."

The smoking mummy (Way to Die #316)
"My favorite from last year: A guy, he's a drunk, of course, he falls asleep and sets his bed on fire," Beers says, recalling another horrible way to go. "He wakes up at a burn clinic. He's head-to-toe covered in gauze, from 80 percent second-degree burns all over his body. He's there for about three days and he bribes an orderly to roll him outside on the roof so he can smoke a cigarette. He's sitting there in alcohol-covered gauze and he's got a small oxygen tank in his lap. He lights a cigarette, like a mummy -- like a dummy mummy -- and an ash drops in his lap. He catches fire again, and the oxygen tank explodes."

Death is heavy (Way to Die #451)
"There's a poor guy that deals with suffocation under a 450-pound woman," Beers reveals. "That I find particularly scary." So how does the great producer of gruesome, re-created TV death want to expire when his own time comes? "I don't want to go out in a blaze of glory," he says. "I love that Dylan Thomas poem: 'Do not go gently into this good night/Rage, rage against the dying of the light.' Fight for all you got, man. Stick around to your last breath and hope that it's well into your 90s."

Laughing at the Reaper
Beers mentions an unlikely friend who is a huge fan of "1,000 Ways to Die": a woman who is the head of the hospice program for the entire state of South Carolina. "She deals all day long with people really dying, and dying in terrible and painful ways. She looked at the rough cuts [for the second season] and just kept laughing out loud. It's a release for her, because death is so serious." Other admitted fanatics include Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ellen DeGeneres. Beers admits that women might take a particular satisfaction in watching some of the re-created catastrophes. "Maybe there is a certain amount that they just like watching men die in stupid ways," he surmises. "'Oh good, we got another one ...'"

Catch a 'sneak peek' of the second season of "1000 Ways To Die" on Spike this Saturday, December 5th, following "Ultimate Fighter 10" at midnight (ET/PT). Then tune in for new episodes on Wednesdays, starting December 9th, at 10pm.