We just found out that action star Steven Seagal is apparently a deputy in Louisiana? And that there's a reality show in which he responds to real crimes with the sheriff's department there?

We'll give you time to really take that in.

According to the show's Web site, Seagal has been a fully commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office for almost 20 years.

Internet, why didn't you alert us to the existence of such an amazing confluence of absurdity and mantasticness? Why did we have to hear it from a girl in the office? And how many times will we have to watch this clip to truly process it all?