The desire to replicate oneself is an ingrained reaction to fears of mortality. However, many men today realize children aren't the only way to continue their legacy. (There's always humanitarian work or reality TV.)

The child-free path is plenty inviting -- you never have to edit your language, worry about ruining impressionable psyches or get peed on while changing diapers. But while we admire men like George Clooney and Bill Maher, who opt out of parenthood, there's a thin line between suave, mature bachelor and creepy old guy.

Parents have an excuse to be poor, flabby and out of touch. The rest of us have certain standards to uphold.

Be Fit
Children are 24-hour commitments. Parents never have time to exercise and get bombarded constantly with pleas for junk food. Fathers never get a chance to work off the baby weight gained from the stress of living with a pregnant wife. They get a free pass for losing washboard abs. However, you can spare an hour a day for a jog and can keep veggies in the house without kids throwing them away behind your back.

Be Au Courant
Just like working out, staying abreast of current events and culture takes time. Parents fall into the habit of wearing the same clothes and listening to the same music for years -- not because they love them, but because it's too difficult to find new things. Their TVs are permanently stuck on "Dora the Explorer," and their computers have so much childproofing software they can't even navigate it. You have none of those problems. You can watch the news, read fashion magazines, find the newest music and not turn into a clueless middle-aged black hole.

Be Affluent
Raising a child costs a quarter-million dollars before college. Over the next 18 years, you have no reason not to save and invest that much. Also, there are no Pee Wee football games to attend or homework assignments to correct, so spend extra hours getting ahead at work. Do it for the guy stuck at a dance recital who wishes he could impress the boss. Being affluent doesn't mean you have to be completely status-driven, but 40-year-old men living like college students are creepy.

Be Awesome
This one is the most important. Don't get weird. When a child-free guy gets bitter, or drinks all the time, or hangs around the liquor store asking teenagers if they want to party, people blame the fact that he never had kids. That ruins it for the rest of us fighting the good fight. Take care of yourself mentally. Go to counseling, yoga, street-fight guys who look like your father ... whatever you need to feel awesome.

Be the Cool Uncle
Most of us had a cool uncle. If you didn't, you've definitely heard other people talk about their cool uncle and envied them. The world would be so much better if every teen learned to sip beer without gagging or to watch porn without yelling, "Ahhhh, yeah!"

If you don't have any nephews or nieces, find friends with kids and be their cool uncle. Just remember this Christmas, you have to buy them the irrational gift they love but their parents hate.