Dec 10th 2009 By Jordan Newmark
This Saturday, Dec. 12, live from Memphis, Tenn., is the final UFC show of the year. UFC 107
has a solid lineup of fights with an undercard featuring three former number one contenders and a former heavyweight champion. The evening's main event, should be a five-round war between season one TUF
winner Diego "The Nightmare" Sanchez
vs. current lightweight champion BJ "The Prodigy" Penn
So, Asylum's youngest MMA correspondent, my nephew Calvin
, will again predict
the outcomes of this forthcoming UFC pay-per-view. Even in this turbulent economy crayons are cheap, and the labor of a 5-year-old is even cheaper. Like a violent elementary school-age Kreskin, here's how Calvin expects these fights to turn out:
BJ Penn vs. Diego Sanchez (Lightweight Championship) --
Calvin loves BJ Penn and hates Diego Sanchez. He emphatically yelled, "I want BJ to smash Diego! I want the cwowd covewed in Diego's blood like it's a damn Gallagher show! And the whole time I will be yelling YES YES YES YES YES!" I then slowly backed out of the room because Calvin had the "cwazy eyes."
Cheick Kongo vs. Frank Mir
-- Calvin rolled his eyes when I mentioned this match: "If the fight stays standing then Kongo wins obviously." Calvin then shook his head in disgust and continued, "But if it goes to the gwound Fwank will win. Kongo is so bad on the gwound it might as well be lava." Then Calvin began to cry softly about how he missed "Bwock Lesnew," so I held him close and told him everything will be all right.
Clay Guida vs. Kenny Florian --
Calvin was certain Kenny would win this. He did come up with a scenario in which Guida could pull it out by employing a former WWE wrestler's (Doink the Clown) strategy. Clay could hire the Geico Cavemen to switch in and out with Clay while the ref is distracted to give him breathers. Calvin also heard the Geico Cavemen have good "jits".
Jon Fitch vs. Mike Pierce --
There was no doubt in Calvin's mind that Jon Fitch will win. I asked him how Fitch will win. Calvin elaborated that Jon's last five fights have ended in decision, so "he'll gwind that nobody to dust."
Paul Buentello vs. Stefan Struve --
Paul Buentello is marking his return to UFC against the 6-foot-11 Stefan Struve. Calvin thinks Paul will win: "He'll knock his head off, but he'll need a laddew up to heaven to do it." I then asked, "Is that Abraham Lincoln?" He responded angrily, "You don't think Lincoln is in heaven!?! What kind of Amewican patwiot are you? He fweed the slaves!"