Stuck between role models like the secretive, boozing philanderer Don Draper and the much-publicized antics of Tiger's wood, modern man's masculinity can often be a minefield of doubt, confusion and repression.

"I think we're still cavemen," says Tom Matlack, the co-founder of the Good Men Project, which aims to explore the complicated business of possessing XY chromosomes. The project is both a charitable foundation and a book/DVD, which houses a collection of first-person accounts from an eclectic variety of men, including war photographers and NFL stars.

"Women talk about this stuff all the time, on 'Oprah' and everything else," Matlock says. "They use this very emotional vocabulary, which turns guys off. The way we as guys communicate with each other is through telling each other stories."

Read on for Matlack's rundown of the main problems facing men today -- and learn more about the Good Men Project and what it has to do with Don Draper, Tony Soprano and Tiger "Cheatin' Heart" Woods.

Using 180 Percent of Your time
Matlack's own revelatory moment came when, at the age of 29, he found himself both wildly successful as CFO of a billion-dollar media company and emotionally destitute. Matlack was surprised that so many of his friends -- high-earning, Masters of the Universe-types -- were still confused and conflicted about "what it all means."

Part of the dilemma comes down to what you might call the fuzzy mathematics of manhood. "It used to be that as a man you're supposed to spend 80 percent of your time at work, and 10 percent of time on your kids, and 10 percent of your time on your wife," Matlack says. "Now you're supposed 50 percent of your time on your kids, 50 percent of your time on your wife and 80 percent on your job. You're just f**ked."

Finding a Way to Connect That Isn't Unbearably Lame
The '60s and '70s and the New Age movement they birthed led some men to bond together for cathartic group sessions out in nature. The Good Men Project, however, is not this touchy-feely. "We're talking about normal, ordinary guys dealing with normal problems," Matlack says. "They don't want to get naked in the woods and beat a drum. There probably is somewhat more of the kind of '60s Robert Bly 'men's movement' than there was [in the past] -- men are feeling stress. But that's emphatically what we're not about."




Open Your Mouth!
Matlack went to college with Matthew Weiner, scriptwriter for "The Sopranos" and creator of "Mad Men," and the two have remained friends. While profiling Weiner for an article a few years back, Matlack talked to him about his two most famous characters:

"I [asked], how do you write dialogue for Tony Soprano and Don Draper? He said, 'I almost don't care what it is they're actually saying. The most important thing to me is that the audience can see what they're completely unable to say. Don Draper in 1962 -- men in 2009 can relate to him. They may not behave quite as badly, but they feel just as trapped with the things they're unable to say.' From his view, 'Mad Men' is a cautionary tale -- men of America, what the f**k? Open your mouths! Don't lie! Tell the truth of whatever is going on, or you're going to go down the tubes like Don Draper goes down the tubes. I found that so fascinating."

Tigers Woods and the Perils of Lying
Matlack is pretty emphatic about saying there is no one answer to the question of how to be a well-adjusted, successful modern man. Still, certain qualities are non-negotiable.

"Honesty," he stresses. "It's about being the same person in the outside world as in your private life. That's what's so heartbreaking about Tiger. We all thought we knew him in a certain way, that in his private life he was as good a man as we projected him to be, and obviously he wasn't. It's tragic." (Matlack editorialized at length on the Tiger Woods scandal for Huffington Post.)

Like it or not, being a modern man doesn't mean that it's possible to juggle being a sensitive husband, a famous sportsman and the type of guy who bangs Perkin's waitresses on the side. "One of the guys on our blog described it as 'living a life of congruence,'" Matlack explains. "There's not this huge compartmentalization. I liked -- I still like -- to have my work life, my family life, my marriage, my friends, in different buckets, and not mix 'em up. I think that's a mistake. If you try and be a different person in different elements of your life, inevitably defeat makes its way in -- and then you're screwed."

Find out more about the Good Men Project here.

Then let us know in the comments: What does it take to be good man?