We know it's almost impossible to imagine, but picture that you're about 35 years of age and have never had sexual intercourse. (OK, it shouldn't be that hard.) Now imagine that instead of just finding the first willing, presumably unattractive woman, closing your eyes and going for it, you write to an advice columnist about your predicament.

You probably wouldn't have expected what Cheryl Lavin of the Chicago Sun-Times actually advised him to do. In a nutshell, she told him to walk around below the el train, and try to find someone willing to take you out for a spin for under $50.

OK, she said it much more tactfully than that, but she did suggest escort services and the Bunny Ranch, writing, "Prostitution is legal in some counties in Nevada. And even where it's illegal, it's widespread. Conservative columnist George Will recently said on 'This Week With George Stephanopoulos,' 'We legalized prostitution, as anyone who opens a telephone book and looks under "escort" can tell.'

"I'm not recommending that you do anything that makes you uncomfortable," Lavin adds. "I'm just presenting an option."

Get This Monkey Off My Back, the anonymous virgin, just wants to lick this virginity thing. What do you think? Should he just hire a professional and get it over with? Or better yet, should he auction it off?