Dec 23rd 2009 By Nick Prueher

Monkey, Robot Heading to Mars

Russians last put a primate into orbit in 1997. That's eons ago to any discerning fan of space monkeys.

Well, rejoice, Gleek-lovers: The gigantic nation's Cosmonautics Academy is working on a plan to send a macaque all the way to Mars. Even more amazing? A robot will be riding shotgun!

Russian scientist Zurab Mikvabia said that the country's original strategy called for human astronauts. "But given the length of the flight to Mars and given the cosmic rays for which we don't have adequate protection over such a long trip," he noted, "discussions have focused recently on sending an ape instead of a person."

Under the current plan, the robot will be the primate's only companion on the long, lonely journey to the Red Planet. "The robot will feed the monkey, will clean up after it," said Mikvabia. "Our task will be to teach the monkey to co-operate with the robot."

Fat chance. Everybody knows that robots are a monkey's sworn enemy.

Tags: astronauts - cosmonauts - mars - monkey - monkeys - robot - robots - russia - space

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Saturday 26 December

By Joseph Leslie

Highest Rank

I feel sorry for the monkey. It will be sacrificed for space exploration, just like the dogs that were used in the early days of the Soviet Union's space program.

Saturday 26 December

By jake

Highest Rank

you're right.I think they should send Putin (without the robot)

Saturday 26 December

By GHM

Lowest Rank

Well Bully for your sympathy for the monkey. Would you rather a human was sent instead? Exploration and medical research rely onlesser primates for testing to insure that a human will be safe or a drug will be effective for a human. Where would we be today if scientists had your concerns for test animals. PETA aside...get over it; unless you want to be a test subject instead of the monkey.

Saturday 26 December

By vinny de vingo

Highest Rank

thats no good. send some jerks you got running around our streets.

Saturday 26 December

By pinkthenred

Highest Rank

They should send some criminal.

Friday 29 January

By Dexter

Neutral

This seems like a very sad thing to do to an innocent animal. It will be tortured all of the way on the long trip to Mars where it will probably die.. It's too bad us humans haven't evolved our intelligence past such crude experiments.

Saturday 26 December

By Marc

Highest Rank

Why send a monkey? _ Don't they have predatory pedophiles like the sub-human monster who killed Sarah Haley Foxwell? _ If not, I say they can have one of ours to blast off into space.

Saturday 26 December

By jen

Highest Rank

I love that idea! Why torture a poor innocent animal...send some sicko on the long trip to Mars...I think that is a terrific idea!

Saturday 26 December

By JJ

Highest Rank

Best idea yet---send all of the pedofiles together.

Saturday 26 December

By CommishinNC

Highest Rank

I agree with Marc but, with a little twist....send GSM with the sicko's. I would just as soon send him rather than the poor little monkey.

Saturday 26 December

By angelo8462

Lowest Ranked

i disagree what about all the lizard people children that live underground on mars? just because they are not human doesnt mean they do not have souls you know. they gods creation as well.
SAVE THE LIZARD PEOPLE CHILDREN FROM THE HUMAN PEDOPHILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday 26 December

By Chancy

Highest Rank

I have said for years that they should stop using animals in labs & start using child molesters & child killers. Kill two birds with one stone, we would no longer have to feed & cloth the devils in the prisons.

Sunday 27 December

By pinkthenred

Neutral

I agree, we have plenty they could borrow. A sociopath would be ideal because they simply do not feel the stress that we do. They do feel stress but it is not triggered by the same things that would trigger stress in a person with a conscience. They get excited by violence etc.

Saturday 26 December

By Gloria Druss

Highest Rank

I'd like to nominate Michael Vick, the disgusting sub-human who abused and killed pit bulls, went to prison for it, and now -- with a new, lucrative contract given him to play football again by my former team, the Philadelphia Eagles (whom I have supported since 1960 until they put a murderer on the team) -- he's telling us he's had to put up with all of this because of what has been done to him, rather than because of what he himself has done to these dogs.

Apparently, Michael Vick feels that HE is the victim, not the dogs.

As one of the Philadelphia Inquirer sports columnists said in his column, Vick's self-aggrandizement is "loathsome."

It is also disgusting to put poor helpless creatures into a space ship and send them to other planets. I know the Russians have done it, and it wouldn't surprise me if the U.S. has done it as well. That practice is loathsome, too.

Saturday 26 December

By steve

Lowest Ranked

its pretty sad you would give up your loyalty to a team just cause they signed a guy who has completed his court assigned prison time. Torturing/killing animals is awful; i have several pets myself so I can appreciate your concern. What does a person have to do to earn forgiveness and move on with their life. Should we just kill people for making a mistake? does rehabilitation not exist anymore? there are so many other murders/rapists that have yet to be arrested... and you choose the guy whos already done his time. Unless you are vegan, your life has been improved by the killing of animals. Different context... Is vick worse than the guy who slaughters cows for profit just as evil? in some countries dog and cat are staples of their diet. vick never killed a person. it was awful what he did, and he paid the price. he lost millions of dollars in contracts/endorsements, his gigantic house, and his reputation. what else do you want to take from him?

Saturday 26 December

By Justplain

Lowest Ranked

Get over it, hell if Michael Vicks is the only person you can think of when you hear of dispicable acts you need to turn on a television or read more often. He may have fought pitbulls but there are people who would drug and rob you of your vital organs and all you can think about is a man who fought pitbulls? @#@$^*

To the subject of the article, what will the monkey do on Mars when he get there? This must be a experiment to see if he'll survive the trip and radiation. Gloria you don't find that cruel???

Saturday 26 December

By Vick theDick

Highest Rank

Vick is the perfect candidate. No loss, no guilt.

Unlike the stories people make up to defend the slimeball, we know he has no value.

Saturday 26 December

By skyyhigh

Neutral

DOGFIGHTS have been recorded since ancient ROME.
Only in our recently evolved society is it frowned upon; I can assure you that
it is still VERY prevalent, especially in the backwoods of the South..it's a cultural thing, I'm afraid.
Only through education will people learn that this is indeed cruelty-as-sport.

Oh, and if you have an extra compassion, get upset over BABY MURDERERS instead!!!!