Dec 23rd 2009 By Nick Prueher

Monkey, Robot Heading to Mars

Russians last put a primate into orbit in 1997. That's eons ago to any discerning fan of space monkeys.

Well, rejoice, Gleek-lovers: The gigantic nation's Cosmonautics Academy is working on a plan to send a macaque all the way to Mars. Even more amazing? A robot will be riding shotgun!

Russian scientist Zurab Mikvabia said that the country's original strategy called for human astronauts. "But given the length of the flight to Mars and given the cosmic rays for which we don't have adequate protection over such a long trip," he noted, "discussions have focused recently on sending an ape instead of a person."

Under the current plan, the robot will be the primate's only companion on the long, lonely journey to the Red Planet. "The robot will feed the monkey, will clean up after it," said Mikvabia. "Our task will be to teach the monkey to co-operate with the robot."

Fat chance. Everybody knows that robots are a monkey's sworn enemy.

Tags: astronauts - cosmonauts - mars - monkey - monkeys - robot - robots - russia - space

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Saturday 26 December

By Ed

Neutral

Spare the monkey and send the current administration and their fan base.

Saturday 26 December

By rich

Neutral

send the prisoners from the cuban jail's before they bring them to USA. they should suit them up with the monkey's and let them rip. they should send 1 female monkey for every male terrorist but they shouldn't dress the monkey's may the best primate win.

Friday 01 January

By onlynormalpersonleft

Neutral

It is not a question of trade offs. None are acceptable. With superior scientific technology, it is unacceptable that we send any living, breathing, feeling being on this mission. If you don't agree or understand, you're an idiot. My heart breaks for this animal as it will be frightening, lonely and tortuous. Since when is that OK? Any response in defense of this frivolous experiment is an indication of your stupidity.

Saturday 26 December

By nalta68

Neutral

"If you don't agree or understand, you're an idiot. Any response in defense of this frivolous experiment is an indication of your stupidity."

These statements are known as "ad hominem" and are invalid in a logical debate. Unfortunately, they show your ignorance of the nature of rational discussion. Please get an education on these matters and try to express your opinion in a rational way, using facts, not insults and don't resort to these invalid ad hominem attacks.

Saturday 26 December

By nalta68

Neutral

"discussions have focused recently on sending an ape instead of a person."

A macaque is a monkey, not an ape, Mr. Mikvabia. After seeing countless TV shows and web sites which incorrectly call Chimpanzees "monkeys," I thought that this article's headline would be in error, but finding out that they are planning to send a macaque, the headline got it right and the Russian "expert" got it wrong! It's frustrating to hear anti-evolutionists say that evolution claims that "men descended from monkeys." According to evolution, humans and APES descended from a common ancestor, but evolution has NEVER claimed that humans descended from apes or monkeys. Monkeys always have a tail, even if it's vestigial. Apes never have tails.

Sunday 27 December

By Tina

Neutral

Hows about Nancy Pelosi.

I rather see her go then some poor innocent monkey. That animal will be tortured and mutilated. This is just abhorrent. The people responsible are so arrogant, can't stand it.

Saturday 26 December

By cfr

Neutral

monkey's aren't apes... and people ARE ALSO PRIMATES... its probably gonna die on the trip, and some aliens are gonna find a space monkeys carcass a million years from now

Sunday 27 December

By Bruno

Neutral

Many moons ago, prisoners were used for scientific endeavors. For some, if the convict survived, he earned his freedom. Like the one person said, if the Russians are short of pedophiles, serial killers, murderers and animal abusers, we should help our ally out. As to the twit that thinks we should welcome M. Vick with open arms because he served his time, I say BullS---! His actions showed a type of deviant personality and if the bastard thought he could get away with it, he would be douing the same crap again. It was all about the money and a disfunctional, overpaid, prima donna sports figure. Damn scientists and their total disregard for animals!

Saturday 26 December

By Blindhog

Neutral

Are we so far ahead of Russia?
We will send people who volunteer instead of a sacrificial monkey that had no choice.

Sunday 27 December

By pinkthenred

Neutral

GHM,
Animal testing never ensures anything, it simply gives a rough estimate or prevents human injury on the first round. It does not guarantee a human will not later be injured or killed. Humans are used for medical testing but it is on a volunteer basis. Usually by people that have nothing to lose because they are dying. Lastly, scientist do have concern for their animal subjects. Peta is a terrorist organization surely you are not too dim witted to understand there is a vast area between your heartless feelings for animals and Peta's insanity, for a rational person's beliefs to fall into in regards to animal testing.

Tuesday 29 December

By James AF Compton

Neutral

But the question remains - does the monkey have full diplomatic credentials to enact treaties, trade relations, and alliances with the locals? It seems Russia IS going to extremes to find new allies these days.

Wednesday 20 January

By Vicky

Neutral

Poor,Poor monkey!! With all the problems we face on earth, natural
disasters wars and terrorism, why bother going to Mars? One of the guys who invented the idea should be man enough to go himself, not terrorize a poor defenseless monkey! Mars? Focus on earth, you idiots!