Santa Claus Robs Bank to Pay Elves

We know it's a recession and all, but come on, Santa. You can't just go around robbing banks because your elves need holiday bonuses.

Despite strong clues -- a red suit, a white beard, a reportedly "jovial" demeanor -- that suggest Tuesday's bank heist in Hermitage, Tenn., was the work of the real Kris Kringle, there are just as many factoids that lead us to believe that this bank robber was, in fact, a phony. The cool sunglasses, for one. Threats to "kill everyone," for another. Oh yeah, and that whole bank-robbing thing.

This sketchy Santa got the caper started by pulling a gun out of his bag, which we're pretty sure is usually full of toys, not weapons. He then demanded cash, and said that putting dye packs in with the bills would be grounds for murdering everybody.

Then, according to WKRN News, he cheerfully explained on his way out the door that he was off to "pay his elves," which we suspect is total crap. Everyone knows elves work for milk and cookies. Check out a video of some local news coverage on the next page.