So is author Michael Westmoreland-White implying here that conservatives want war, intolerance, injustice and regression? Maybe. Or maybe he's just trying to distract us from the obvious conservative propaganda that is "Star Wars."
Surprised? You shouldn't be. Keep reading to find out how the cult film promotes conservative values.
1. Firstly, "Wars" is right there in the title. Not just one war, but multiple wars that continue for decades. Even Ronald Reagan nicknamed his Strategic Defense Initiative "Star Wars" because the prospect of warring in space excited him so much.
2. Secondly, the Galactic Empire represents communism. All of the Imperial Stormtroopers look exactly the same and have the same possessions. The rest of Empire's workers wear the same black outfits and all labor together for the society, by building the Death Star.
Conservatives see themselves as the rebels, constantly striving to blow up communism because if they don't, it will blow up Earth. Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader represent the oppressive regime that conservatives feel communism inevitably becomes.
3. Third, minorities can't be trusted. Lando Calrissian pretends to be Han Solo's friend, but then stabs him in the back by giving him up to the Empire. Even though he does some good things later, you never know if he's going to double-cross the rebels again. That's how conservatives feel about Obama.
4. Fourth, illegal aliens are lazy slugs who want to steal our money, enslave our women and eat all our food -- just like Jabba the Hutt. The alien gangster refuses to speak English, eats live fish (a stab at Asian culture) and smokes a lot (just like Europeans). The only thing to do is metaphorically strangle them with the same chains they use to bind us, like Princess Leia.
5. Finally, many liberals wonder how conservatives can gain so much support from the lower classes even though they tend to screw them over financially. That's because of "Star Wars."
The series shows that it is perfectly all right to suck face with your sister as long as she's hot and you're not completely sure if she's related to you.
There you go, all the things that conservatives love: war, intolerance and limited progress, since the rebels still fight with swords and their starships look like they were built in the 1970s. Democrats can continue to look forward to the future, filled with new installments of the revived "Star Trek." Republicans can only fear the possibility that George Lucas will further tarnish "Star Wars" with more films like "Clone Wars."