Victoria's Secret proves once again that anything it does will capture the imaginations of a horny male public. Exhibit A: this ridiculous and unintentionally hilarious topless bikini, which takes the Borat/John Mayer–style mankini and ... well, basically just paints it black.

We're not going to fall for it for the following reasons:

1) The Victoria's Secret Web site lists this dainty monstrosity at a whopping $68, while indecency fines for going topless are almost twice that.

2) It isn't even really topless -- beneath that model's long locks are not only a pair of miniature ping-pong boobs, but a long string holding up this mankini -- oh, excuse me, bikini.

3) America's beaches are not prepared for topless sunbathing. While we're at it, can we also ban Speedos?

4) They tried this at the Jersey Shore last year, and no one fell for a designers' trap of trying to sell half the clothing item for double the price.

Sorry, Victoria's Secret, but you have to slip up once in a while. In 2009, you gave us Kylie Bisutti, so you get a free pass on creating anything sexually appealing in 2010. Meanwhile, we'll just keep on secretly praying you create a disappearing bikini line that has a shot of catching on.