Brian Fairbanks is Asylum's boner correspondent.

I was such a pansy in junior high, I had friends ask girls to dance with me. One responded by frowning at my friend, then kept me at -- literally -- arms-length, sixth-grade-dance-style, for the excruciatingly long duration of "Stairway to Heaven."

I had a very visible problem for all eight minutes, and it wasn't just acne. Thank God, she was so far off in the distance, she couldn't possibly have seen ... my boner.

I was telling this story to a friend of mine the other night and laughing about how we used to be such horndogs that we could get turned on simply by hugging a woman, any woman.

He blinked at me for a moment and didn't respond.

"What, you've never had a boner-inducing hug?" I asked. He shook his head very, very slowly. I asked him what gave him a boner, then, if he was so damned special. He shrugged and sipped his beer.

"Oral."

Asylum writers disagreed -- they, much like myself, have experienced the phenomenon. Keep reading to see their responses and watch our NSFW-ish video of people getting hugs and someone ... well, we don't want to ruin the surprise (boner).


Tommy: I've always (still do) had a problem with the slow-dance boner. I'm usually OK when the dance starts, but then I smell the hair, she whispers something, I sneak a pinky under her waistband, thumb on the sideboob, and boing! Most of them are flattered, but I've danced with girls who are friends, and they look at me like "Really?" They don't understand; there's complete overlap between the friend zone and the boner zone.

John: The last time I achieved carnal tumescence from an embrace, I was 15 years old.

Jordan: From a stripper, sure.

Have you popped a woody from a clothed hug?
Yes -- The feel of boobies against my chest is a one-way ticket to Bonerville.511 (65.2%)
No -- My great aunt pulled me to her bosom and I haven't been right since.88 (11.2%)
Other -- I have a boner right now.185 (23.6%)