In most professions, being morbidly obese is a detriment to career advancement. Fair or not, it's hard to respect a boss with flaps of skin hanging over his belt. However, one field in which guys with Taft-like physiques can still be extra-large-and-in-charge is the football field, where there has been a recent trend towards stunningly fat head coaches.

On Sunday, Rex Ryan will be carrying the torch for lardy football coaches everywhere when his underdog New York Jets take on the Indianapolis Colts. In a recent interview with the New York Post, the first year headman confessed he consumes 7,000 calories a day -- almost three times as much as a normal active man should be putting down.

As a gluttonous thought experiment, we've tried to imagine the various ways in which a football coach could get to 7,000 calories a day. Read on to check it out, and learn about which foods you should never eat.

Monday and Tuesday
Teams don't practice on Tuesday, and rarely do on Monday. So the fat head coach will spend most of those days watching film. You can't watch film without a whole lot of pizza.
Breakfast: McDonald's
2 sausage, egg and cheese McGriddles -- 1,100 calories
17-ounce cup of hazelnut iced coffee -- 270 calories
Lunch and Dinner: Pizza Hut
Three PANormous pepperoni personal pan pizzas -- 3,300 calories
20 hot wings with wild ranch dipping sauce -- 1000 calories
Three 32-ounce cups of Mountain Dew -- 1,320 calories
Total calories: 6,990

Wednesday and Thursday
During day-long practices on Wednesday and Thursday, the fat football coach tends to send one of those random clipboard-carrying fellows out to the highway to fetch him fast food.
Breakfast: McDonald's
1 sausage, egg and cheese McGriddle -- 560 calories
20-ounce whole milk mocha -- 400 calories
Lunch: Taco Bell
Grilled stuffed steak burrito -- 640 calories
Chicken ranch taco salad -- 900 calories
Two orders of cinnamon twists -- 340 calories
Large Pepsi -- 400 calories
Dinner: Burger King
Triple whopper with cheese -- 1300 calories
Large fries -- 540 calories
8-piece chicken tenders with ranch sauce -- 500 calories
Tendercrisp garden salad with Caesar dressing -- 700 calories
Funnel cake sticks -- 300 calories
Large Coca-Cola -- 390 calories
Total calories 6,970

Friday
On Friday it is not uncommon for the practice facility to be cleared out by mid-afternoon. It's a good day for a head coach to take his family to dinner at a high-end chain restaurant.
Breakfast: The mall
Cinnabon Carmel Pecanbon -- 1,100 calories
16-ounce Starbucks caramel brulee Frappuccino blended crème-whip -- 510 calories
Lunch: Subway
12-inch tuna sub -- 1,060 calories
2 small bags of Lays potato chips -- 300 calories
Chocolate chip cookie 210 calories
Large Coca-Cola -- 390 calories
Dinner: Cheesecake Factory
Southern Fried Chicken Sliders (appetizer split with family) -- 350 calories
Grilled Pork Chops -- 1,950 calories
Godiva chocolate cheese cake -- 1,100 calories
2 glasses of wine -- 300 calories
Total calories 7,270

Saturday
The day before game day is all about walk-throughs and nervous energy. The fat football coach gets to 7,000 on Saturday by chain-gorging himself with snacks from vending machines and the training table.

Sunday
It's time to play some football. After the final whistle, the fat football coach likes to relax with a massive helping of Chinese food.
Breakfast: Dunkin Donuts
Large Coffee Coolatta with cream -- 650 calories
Chocolate chip muffin -- 630 calories
Two powdered cake donuts -- 600 calories
Lunch: the sidelines
80 ounces of Gatorade -- 500 calories
Dinner: PF Chang's
2 side orders of spare ribs -- 700 calories
2 side orders of dynamite shrimp -- 600 calories
2 egg rolls with sweet & sour sauce -- 500 calories
Bowl of hot & sour soup -- 80 calories
Chicken chopped salad with ginger dressing -- 365 calories
Sichuan chicken flat-bread -- 675 calories
Cantonese chow fun with beef -- 745 calories
Garlic foodles -- 175 calories
5 Budweisers -- 750 calories
Total calories 6,970