Feb 18th 2010 By Laura Leu
Good news for ugly dudes who smell great: According to a study
examining traits that attract us to one another, women rank a man's body odor higher than his physical appearance when determining whether she wants to jump his bones. But what scents, exactly, will lead her nose to your bedroom?
We put a panel of women to a blind smell-test to find out.
Driven by Derek Jeter $
26 (2.5 oz.)
Avon has figured out how to bottle Derek Jeter's scent and, surprisingly, it doesn't involve wringing out any young starlet's panties. Instead, they blended fruity and woody notes, like crushed leaves, grapefruit, rhubarb and pacific driftwood, to channel "inner perseverance and determination." Which is the same scent you emit by saying no to "Do you want to supersize that?"
This eau de Yankee "smells cheap" and is most likely worn by "guidos," "white trash" or, because of the "ammonia and lemon Pledge" after-scent, your maid. Still, it's a good "starter cologne" for asexual men, since the smell "turns off" women and gives them "headaches."
Sex Appeal (from 1 to 10): 2
$36 (1.7 oz.)
Calvin Klein squirted this unisex fragrance out of his perfwomb in the mid-'90s, so chances are you once spritzed it under your Hypercolor T-shirt, hoping the relaxed scent of fruit and musk would mesh well with your teenage angst.
An "effeminate" man with "waxed eyebrows" would attract ladies wearing this "seasonal" scent, but "only in the summertime," and even then, women "would f**k him and then regret it," because "he'll never satisfy her needs." Also? "Waxed eyebrows."
Sex Appeal: 5
Dolce & Gabbana Pour Homme $40 (1.3 oz.)
The Mario and Luigi of fashion have expanded their brand to include fragrances. Dolce & Gabbana Pour Homme mixes citrus notes with the intense spices of cardamom and pepper to give it an "aggressive freshness." Like killer tomatoes!
She says: The dude who wears this "natural, woodsy" scent most likely sports "flannel," "stubble on his face" and, quite possibly, an axe. If the lumberjack smell suits you, babes (women, not the ox) will want to "cozy up with you near a fireplace."
Sex Appeal: 8
AXELab $10 (1.7 oz.)
The body spray advertised to turn every woman into a walking, slippery vaginal canal now comes in a classier, more premium shade of horny. AXELab was developed through pharmasexual research and combines aromatic, spicy notes for a manly-man fragrance that claims to produce high hookup success. Sex Panther, is that you?
She says: "Lesbians," "androgynous men" or "her dad" would wear this fragrance "reminiscent of Old Spice," so hookup potential is on the "hell no" end of things. Unless you find a woman who is questioning her sexual identity and has daddy issues. If so, then spray this scent liberally.
Sex Appeal: 3
BOD Man "Really Ripped Abs" $4 (4 oz.)
Why spend hours doing sit-ups at the gym when, for under five bucks, you can smell like you have a six-pack? BOD Man's "Really Ripped Abs" combines crisp green sage, geranium and lavender with a sexy warm musk to give you a sporty, just-out-of-the-shower scent. So no need to workout or bathe.
She says: Women "want to smell this fragrance on a pillow" as a sex memento from the "hot stud" who slept over the night before. Translation: ladies "would totally do the guy" who wears this "masculine" yet "not overpowering" sex potion.
Sex Appeal: 10
Good & Plenty Candy $2
Dr. Alan Hirsch, author of "Scentsational Sex "and expert on all things smelly, conducted a study in which he discovered that the scent of Good & Plenty candy, combined with cucumbers, increased blood flow in the vagina, a sure sign of horniness.
She says: In order for any man to get away with wearing the cuke-and-licorice blend, "he'd have to work in a restaurant" or "be Mediterranean." Indeed, the scent did make women "salivate" -- only it was from hunger, not lust.
Sex Appeal: 2
Pherone Formula M-11 $40 (.34 fl. oz.)
Pherone Formula claims to do what your ball sweat does naturally: release pheromones, those bodily chemicals that supposedly attract mates. The M-11 version was designed to get women's attention, increase your attractiveness and make women feel happy and relaxed. Alternately, you could just wear a clown suit and get her stoned.
She says: "Ugh, gross!" This "disgusting" fragrance "smells like it came out of someone's fermented dead body" or, perhaps, someone's medicine cabinet, as there are "strong" notes of "iodine" and "hydrogen peroxide." Still, hope's not lost with the necrophiliacs, since fornicating with this scent-wearer would be "like f**king a corpse."
Sex Appeal: 1