For the first time in human cage-combat history, UFC will be in Australia. This Saturday, Feb. 20, live on pay-per-view, the octagon will be debuting at the Acer Arena in sunny Sydney. Except that the event is actually taking place on Sunday, Feb. 21, in Australia because Australia is a time-traveling island like on "Lost." Whichever day it is, it's poised to be a great event headlined by a heavyweight bout between MMA legend Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and rising superstar Cain Velasquez.

As Asylum tradition dictates my nephew, Calvin, will provide us with his fight predictions that appear to be too cynical for a first-grader. Yes, Calvin is now 6 years old and he refuses to use crayons. He said he had to accept the contemporary technology of his era, as any great artist should. Calvin wanted to use art software on his parents' computer, but Photoshop is a bit expensive. We settled on Calvin using the generic MS Paint program that comes factory-installed on all PCs.


Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic vs. Ben Rothwell - "Listen, I'm a Pwide nuthuggew. But Miwko hasn't twied to win a fight in thwee yeaws. Maybe if they had a wousing debate about Euwopean politics Miwko would bwing his A-game." Calvin then watched an old Cro Cop highlight on YouTube and cried himself to sleep.

Ryan Bader vs. Keith Jardine -- Calvin thinks this fight boils down to looks: "Wyan Badew is a and he will want to keep it that way. Keith Jawdine is ugly befowe the fight and he will be ugliew aftew the fight. That's why Keith will win because he has nothing to lose."


Joe Stevenson vs. George Sotiropoulos -- With a glassy-eyed stare and a sinister smile Calvin calmly stated, "Joe is going to cut his fweaking head off with that guillotine choke".


Wanderlei Silva vs. Michael Bisping -- Wanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva is arguably Calvin's favorite fighter. Calvin has Wanderlei T-shirts, he has Wanderlei action figures, and he even dressed as him for Halloween. Calvin pleaded, "I just want him to knock Bisping's head off exactly like Dan Hendewson did."


Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Cain Velasquez -- It's been reported for years that Nogueira is 80 percent blind in one eye. Calvin's responds, "Yeah, and he still wins! Like always, if the fight goes to the gwound Big Nog wins. If it stays standing then he'll get knocked awound and be 85 percent blind in one eye, but what does he cawe? He'll fight again in six months anyway."