From the depths of Craigslist, we bring you: the world's worst sex-ritual party. So, right away you know this is a cult thing, which is pretty rad. But even better: You're not allowed to talk! So it'll be like "Eyes Wide Shut" or your 10-year marriage.

Unfortunately, this is probably fake. Who tells you this much about what's going to go down before you even apply for the, um, position? Also, what's this about a "no-sex-for-three-days"-clause? And no prior pregnancies or abortions? Or condoms?

Seriously, for a sex cult these people sure do have a lot of rules. (Although that yellow ribbon thing should be mandatory in all circumstances.)