I sat down at the table at the PokerStars.net North American Poker Tour Venetian in Las Vegas for the media tournament with one mission: to make sure I lasted at least longer than the two dudes from Maxim.

As I entered the casino, I made a point to sit at their table, right next to them, as if to claim it for Asylum.

Rounding out our table were Megan, Tori and Donna -- a trio of beautiful NAPT staffers with distractingly hot English accents -- as well as a guy from Poker News and a ringer in the form of Bill Chen, a poker pro who'd been competing in the high-stakes tour earlier that day.

I was nervous. You see, I'd never played poker in my adult life.

Or, at least that had been the case until three nights earlier, when Asylum told me that I'd be representing the site at the media tournament at the Venetian. At that point, I sought out Mike Kovner, a local poker pro and tutor, for a lesson.

We only had three hours, so he kept it simple: "Tight-but-aggressive" was to be my mantra. Fold most hands, but if you play, go big. "You should fold over 80 percent of your hands," he said, unless you were nearly out of chips and had to start gambling.

Sitting at the table at the Venetian, I picked the spot to the left of the Maxim guys -- according to Mike, that gave me "position" -- and I promptly folded my first bunch of hands.

Folding got boring, but as I watched some of the other players' wildly fluctuating fortunes, I began to understand the point of "tight-but-aggressive." I only played a few hands in the first hour, and it wasn't until I got dealt pocket Aces that I won a big pot, taking 4,000 from Bill Chen, the pro. Meanwhile, the first of the Maxim dudes busted.

Tori and Donna from the NAPT were still dominating, but I was competitive, and winning a big hand over a pro boosted my confidence. I started to shift my focus: Maybe I could win the thing.

Players came and went from our table, and I kept folding most hands. Suddenly, we were one of the last two tables in the thing, and it was just me, the remaining guy from Maxim, Donna, Tori and a few others.

As the blinds went up, Donna and a writer from Vanity Fair both went all-in just to match the blind. I ended up with three of a kind on the flop and knocked them both out of the tournament. There were 11 people left.

I realized that I had gone from a 45:1 chance to win to a 11:1. I knew I was getting cocky and had to force myself to fold a Queen-4 hand and a King-2, lest I deviate from the "tight-but-aggressive" strategy that had taken me so far.

My counterpart from Maxim, meanwhile, ended up in the highest-stakes hand of the night -- a pot valued over 6,000, up against Bill and Tori. Bill took the pot, and the Maxim guy busted. Mission accomplished, and the idea of winning the thing was closer than ever to coming true.

Tori, meanwhile, was getting antsy. She wanted to get to a club, so she frequently pushed her chips all-in, only to win hand after hand. As the blinds increased and they upped they ante, I realized that I only had a handful of chips left, and my tutor's words about being more aggressive popped into my head like Obi-Wan Kenobi to Luke Skywalker. I had the seven and eight of clubs in my hand, and decided to play.

The flop came out 7-King-8, and I struggled not to smile. I was gonna go from a rookie to a rounder after a single three-hour lesson just days before the tournament. Two pair. I went all-in.

Tori, ostensibly looking to try out her English accent at the club, opted to call. I showed my cards, and Tori showed hers: King-8. Two pair, and better than mine. I was done.

The remaining players were shuffled over to the final table, and the cold realization hit me that I wouldn't be there. But still, I figured, there was no shame in going out on a hand where you held two pair. And anyway, I outlasted the guys from Maxim.

Dan Solomon is probably not a good poker player, but he does know all the words to "Poker Face."