The world is a dangerous place, full of terrible stuff that will kill you. Toxic gunk is in our colognes, hand sanitizers, couches, televisions, airplanes, sushi, and TVs. Cell phones may very well actually cause brain tumors. Even good old-fashioned illegal drugs are now being ruined by dastardly chemicals.

The 21st century is invading our organs, eating our brains and causing everything from learning disorders to the big C. And like many awful things, it's all making a handful of corporate types very, very wealthy.

Rick Smith and Bruce Lourie are two Canadian environmentalists who decided to subject themselves to common chemicals for the sake of science. (One critic aptly dubbed it "gonzo toxicology.") In a controlled environment, they boosted their levels of all sorts of toxic nastiness, and then reported their findings in "Slow Death by Rubber Duck: The Secret Danger of Everyday Things."

If you're not a hypochondriac, you will be soon. Read on for more about the sinister gunk that comprises our modern world.

Deadly dildos and toxic scents
Phthalates sound like a race of evil sci-fi aliens. The truth isn't far off -- these chemicals are common in everything from children's toys to those air fresheners your mom loves so much. (Also keep phthalates in mind when you and your girlfriend are shopping for sex toys.) They're in plenty of men's grooming products -- we hate to imagine the phthalates required to produce the classic Jersey Shore blow-out.

So what, you say? "Studies involving rat and human subjects have suggested that high exposures to certain kinds of phthalates can cause cancer, developmental and sex-hormone abnormalities (including decreased testosterone and sperm levels and malformed sex organs) in infants, and can affect fertility," notes Time magazine.

I'm your firestarter
Brominated flame retardants are chemicals derived from bromine that are used -- surprise! -- as flame retarding agents. At face value, that's a good thing -- no one's in favor of things catching on fire and causing death and injury. But the bromide industry is run by a small, tightly-knit, profit-hungry cabal. As Smith and Lourie tell it, these folks have been instrumental in lobbying for increased flammability requirements for everything from furniture to electronics; higher regulation means more bromide being injected into all of those products. That means way more bromides "leaching" out and into the air inside homes, where it's of special danger to children.

On the other hand, the industry is vehemently opposed to regulations that would make cigarettes less of a fire hazard -- because this would lessen the need for BFR-containing additives! Seems like these corporate bigwigs will want to pack some of their own product for where they're headed in the afterlife. (And the yuppies have one thing right -- IKEA furniture does not contain these toxic ingredients.)

Can it?
Canned beer drinkers are getting a nice dose of bisphenol-A (BPA) along with those hops. "Beer cans, like virtually all other food and beverage cans are lined with BPA," Lourie says. "I personally prefer my beer out of a bottle for a whole lot of reasons, but the BPA lining is just one more good reason to switch to glass."

Put down that burger
Many chemicals we ingest make their way up the food chain until they arrive on our own plates. So if "Eating Animals" didn't make you care what happens to those poor cows and pigs, there's a selfish reason to give up meat: You'll be less toxic. "Vegetarians almost always have fewer chemicals in their bodies," Lourie says.

Sticky fingers
If you've got "non-stick" cookware in your kitchen, throw it out. These products unleash PFCs (perflourinated compounds) into the air; as Smith and Lourie notes, they also kill birds, which is never a good sign. You still won't be able to escape PFCs entirely, though. They're rampant in clothing (Gore-Tex), packaging (pizza boxes and popcorn bags), and carpet treatments (STAINMASTER and Scotchgard.) PFC exposure has been linked to liver, testicular, and breast cancer, among other non-awesome things.

Sushi on the brain
We're fine giving up chemical-ridden face lotions and PFC frying pans, but tuna sashimi? Turns out certain sushi may be delicious, but it can also make you stupid. Say it ain't so! "Pregnant (or soon to be) women and small children should not eat any tuna at all," Lourie says of the fish, which is notoriously high in mercury." Adults can get away with a sandwich a week and maybe the occasional tuna steak or sushi if you must. Mercury is a potent neurotoxin and it damages brain cells as they are developing." If you are going to risk it, Smith and Lourie recommend checking out the National Resource Defense Council's mercury calculator.

There's lots more to worry about! Check out Smith and Lourie's Web site.