Mar 9th 2010 By Brian Fairbanks
Yes, Virginia, there really is a Miss Turkey Trot and Drumsticks Pageant
Every October, the little town of Yellville, Ark.
, hosts this bizarre Thanksgiving-turkey-themed festival.
Basically, girls get dressed up in one-piece bathing suits, cover their faces and boobies with two-thirds of a ridiculous cardboard turkey painting and parade around
before a large audience and a handful of stern-faced judges.
The idea is to focus your attention on the contestant's "drumsticks" -- i.e., spray-tanned and lubed-up gams. Man, how much are the feminists going to love seeing women literally being treated like pieces of meat?
Keep reading for more on this bizarre event and a video from a new reality show on the pageant from TLC
Airing tonight at 10 EST, The Miss Turkey Trot and Miss Drumsticks Pageant one-off special is part of a TLC series on bizarre beauty pageants
-- which probably should include, well, all of them. The show apparently delves into the months-long process of "working out, choosing the right evening gown ... perfecting hair and makeup," as well as allowing your crumbling-beauty-queen mom
to live vicariously through your humiliating public exposure
(Remember, the producers here are the same ones who created "Toddlers and Tiaras
," surely to be viewed by future historians as having captured the beginning of the end of intelligent American culture.)
Will someone please make us a totally inappropriate animated gif of the jiggling this clip begins with? Thanks very much -- Love, The Internet.