These Women Are Hot but We Don't Know Why

We all know the typical attributes in women that men are supposed to find attractive -- brains, sure, but primarily legs, boobs and butts, right? So crude, so degrading, so true.

But even though we here at Asylum appreciate the female form as much as anyone, we're also aware that there are a few things about womankind that drive us wild -- aside from the obvious.

After all, Megan Fox may well be a very sexy woman, but where's that charm, that quirkiness, that je ne sais quoi in her that makes some women the amazing creatures that they are?

To this end, we've thought long and hard about what it is in women that we love that you wouldn't normally think of. These traits may seem a little odd but, seriously, they're very true. And we promise you that you'll agree ... Either that or we're pervs.

Girls with large headphones

What's so hot about them: So they've got giant, plastic, music-pumping cups clamped around their heads. Why is that hot?

Well, besides showing the world that they're obsessed with music (very hot), if girls can still look good with a pair of metal clams strapped over their ears, well, then, they've got to be really, really hot without the headphones, too. And that's hot, basically.

Where to meet one: "High Fidelity"–style record stores, on the subway heading to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and, in Zach Braff's case, in doctor's office waiting rooms, where you can regularly find Natalie Portman chilling out while listening to The Shins.

Girls who use correct punctuation in their text messages

What's so hot about them: They've taken the time to text you -- long-hand. No "C U L8R"s or "LOL"s or any nonsense like that. Just pure, unadulterated English that's not only intelligent but intelligible. It shows that she has style, sophistication and class -- in text-message form.

Where to meet one: In English literature departments at your local university and at the most pretentious cafe near you.


Girls who happen to be on the same bus/train/plane as you

What's so hot about them: They don't even have to be that hot, they just have to be ... there. A bit of eye-flirting, some curious glances, and you're in love -- until they step off the train and out of your life forever.

Just by being on the same mode of public transport as you they've somehow become 4,275 percent more attractive, bringing some magic into your sad, sad life. And if you had the stones, you'd talk to them. But you don't, so you don't. Sad face.

Where to meet one: Unsurprisingly, trains, planes and automobiles -- more specifically, buses.

Girls with ever-so-slight speech impediments

What's so hot about them: What is it about a girl with a lisp? (Just a little one, mind you, but a lisp nonetheless.) They're adorable, and yet so sexy, too, somehow. You could listen to them for hours, reading poetry, singing songs, or reciting the football results, their slightly unusual voice making them unbearably cute.

Where to meet one: Another total-luck one here, you'll just have to find one on your travels. We advise talking to them first, rather than just guessing that they look like someone who can't pronounce their R's.

Girls riding old-fashioned bicycles

What's so hot about them: Maybe it's the hair flowing in the wind, the flowery dresses, the billowing scarves, and the giant sunglasses -- but there's something special about a girl riding an old bike.

It's as if, when they stop and ask you for directions, they'll take off their glasses and it'll actually be 1960s Audrey Hepburn under there. Somehow. Maybe. We hope.

Where to meet one: According to the fantastically wonderful Copenhagen Cycle Chic, it's the mean streets of Denmark's capital where they seem to congregate like children round an ice cream van. If you don't happen to be in Scandinavia, however, Brooklyn and San Francisco are also good places to see be-bicycled beauties.

Girls with scarves in their hair

What's so hot about them: Perhaps this is another 1960s throwback, but there's something particularly cute about a little lady with a little scarf in her hair, her locks gently waving in the breeze. Bows, hairbands, Alice bands -- they do nothing for us. But a piece of multi-colored fabric over her hair? Rawr ...

Where to meet one: In poetry cafes, at libraries, and in those shops that allow you to paint your own pottery. You'll often find them on old-fashioned bikes, too, which is something so attractive that it might just make you cry. Cry, damn you!


Girls who only laugh at your genuinely funny jokes

What's so hot about them: You might think that a girl that laughs at all of your jokes would be sexier -- but trust us, it's not. Either they're so sycophantic that it's a turn-off, or they're not even listening and just giggling at the appropriate moments. Not even you are that funny.

You need someone who has as good a sense of humor as you do (if you even have one) -- a woman who'll only laugh when you've cracked a truly funny joke, so that you can eventually become a stand-up for a living, and eventually ride a flying pig to work ... at the CIA.

Where to meet one: At improv nights, at novelty stores and, of course, on the Internets.

Girls who get just as competitive as you when playing games

What's so hot about them: Women who are willing to throw themselves into the thick of things will never get old. You know, the kind that will try to get there first if you want to run to the corner, just for a laugh. Or the kind who'll scream with excitement when she beats you at "Mario Kart" or slam the table in frustration when you whip her at Monopoly. Competitive girls, we love you, love you, love you.

Where to meet one: Gyms, sporting events and running around local parks in Lycra.

Girls who can't dance

What's so hot about them: This is an odd one, we know, but bear with us. Girls who can dance sexily are, well, sexy, sure -- but please be aware that most men can't dance. We certainly can't -- we're like windmills in an earthquake on the dance floor, we promise you.

So meeting a girl who's cute, but can't, and won't, and doesn't want to dance, well, that's a dream. A sexy woman who doesn't thrive off grinding on strangers? That's a rare find!

Where to meet one: Not nightclubs, as you might have guessed. But if you spot a girl at a dance club awkwardly leaning against a wall and trying to be cool, you've struck gold. Otherwise, it's just blind luck, to be honest.

Girls who know an obscene amount of trivia

What's so hot about them: What's great about a woman who knows a lot of random facts is that there's a passion driving her desire to know all there is to know about the likes of, say, Cambodia, the films of Stanley Kubrick or the 1987–1996 Montreal Expos. And passion, in all its forms, is a very attractive thing. Besides, it's fun and potentially profitable to join forces with her at the weekly trivia night.

Where to meet one: Pub quizzes, the library and in the geography section of your local bookstore.

Do you agree? Do you not agree? What else should be added to the list? Women who can swear, really well? Women who love practical jokes? Women who can throw a decent punch?

We want your thoughts on the topic of "It's hot, but I'm not sure why" and we want them now. Drop them in a comments section below, why don't you?

Asylum's Dating/Love category is brought to you by Gillette, who wants to know: