Mar 18th 2010 By Ian Fortey
Recently, a shadowy Howard Hughes-y media mogul issued a decree
from Chicago's Tribune Tower that over a hundred words and phrases would be stricken from the vocabulary of Tribune's WGN radio station.
We have officially withdrawn all our applications for employment with Tribune, because as our reporting in this piece clearly demonstrates -- in italics, even! -- we simply can't string together a sentence without many of these apparently dirty words.
Sources say yesterday
it all started sometime after 5 am in the morning
-- it's alleged
that authorities down in t
he WGN Tribune Tower, in a surprise move
, completely abolished
the use of numerous words and phrases. As of now
, the death toll
is 119 and it's definitely possible
more could be added.
news CEO Randy Michaels
, acting as a bit of a diva
, seeks to have news read in a more "down to earth manner" and wants to flee
from the traditional "news speak" for undisclosed
reasons. As expected
, it's being criticized at this point in time
rather than being lauded, seeing as it comes across as more of a censorship auto accident than anything else.
, employees have allegedly
been asked to report their coworkers' transgressions in the wake of
this decision, in order to lend a helping hand
to the cause. So now the manhunt
is on, in the mother of all
free speech crackdowns, and many commonly heard terms are under siege
, about to experience their untimely death
, at least in broadcast terms.
Those of you
who watch the news regularly are likely reeling
from the senseless murder
of so many innocuous phrases, but the fact of the matter
is that Michaels is the boss and if he wants his broadcasts marred
by language changes and to be mocked in the aftermath
of that decision, that's up to him.
We'll be right back after these commercial messages...