Mar 22nd 2010 By Chip Carter
You would think the peanut butter cup, that glorious blending of two great tastes that taste great together, would be the leading culinary combo in history. And it was, until now.
Make way for the new king -- how to even say it? -- bacon on the grill.
Tired of winter and still loopy from watching too much Olympic curling (seriously, still), a friend
and I hit on a shockingly brilliant idea last weekend.
No doubt bacon is the single greatest food ever. No doubt grilling is the single greatest cooking method ever. With breakfast-for-dinner on the Sunday menu, we were struck by inspiration of Newtonian proportions: We'd fire up the grill and marry mankind's finest epicurean achievements in as serendipitous a melding of swine flesh and fire as ever there has been.
WHAT WE DID
We lit all four burners of a large propane grill and put three pounds of thick-sliced applewood-smoked bacon in the freezer for a few minutes to firm up. While we waited, we gave the grill a good scrubbing with a wire brush. Thinking ahead, we filled a couple of good-size vases with water and placed them within arm's reach of the grill.
When the grill reached medium heat, we took the bacon from the freezer and laid individual strips across the grates -- length-wise, because we're smart like that. The temperature seemed right. For about 11 seconds. Whoops.
Keep reading to learn about the dangers of grilling bacon.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED
(1) Thick-sliced bacon, the thicker the better.
(2) Long-handled tongs, the longer the better.
(3) A propane grill – you can't control the heat with charcoal unless you're that wiener Bobby Flay.
(5) Water. Lots and lots of water.
WHAT WE LEARNED
(1) Grilled bacon is delicious.
(2) There's no need to grease the grill -- nature's cleared that hurdle for you.
(3) Don't touch the bacon for at least five minutes, despite the temptation to see how it's coming along. (NOTE: Skip this step if the bacon is on fire.)
(4) Anything other than the lowest of the low temperature settings on your grill is a very bad idea. That's where the patience comes in.
It stands to reason that the hotter the grill, the sooner the feasting begins. But grilling bacon takes more time than frying or nuking. This we learned the hard way. Hey, we were hungry. As a result, we were also almost homeless. Within a minute we were facing a four-alarm, fat-fueled conflagration. (The pictures were taken after the flames died down enough to get close to the grill again.) But we soldiered on like Kuwaiti oil firefighters and ultimately redeemed our prize. Some pieces were burnt black, but we like it that way. Or do now.
FUN FACT: Did you know you can blow out burning bacon strips like birthday candles?
(5) Having a fire extinguisher handy might not be a bad idea.
(6) There's nothing to clean up, which is the only thing we can think of that actually makes bacon better.
Chip Carter is an Asylum contributor and weekend bacon warrior.