We love it when we can get our sex advice from a hifalutin university press, rather than Hustler. The secret smut fanatics at Johns Hopkins University Press proudly present "The Orgasm Answer Guide
," a handy resource for all your pressing questions about how, and why, we come.
For instance: Did you know wild boars ejaculate for nearly 6 minutes? Or that epileptic seizures have been rumored to lead to "non-genital" orgasm? And that your girlfriend's ejaculate is most definitely not pee, although it probably looks like skim milk?
We spoke with Dr. Barry Komisaruk
, a professor in the psychology department at Rutgers University and the co-author of the book. He answered our questions about orgasm essentials. It was also the first time we received an email from a college professor that included this advice: "Sex toys may help."
Read on for more details about the common, highly pleasurable biological function that the French like to call la petit morte
-- "the little death."
A happy ending is a healthy ending
The "Orgasm Answer Guide" confirms what we have always suspected: Getting off regularly will extend your life. Men who orgasm with greater frequency have impressively reduced risks of prostate cancer
Because condoms are expensive
It turns out the old "pull out and pray" method is more effective than your health teacher may have let on.
"Recent studies have shown that the pre-ejaculatory fluid that leaks from the tip of the penis during sexual stimulation does not contain any sperm," the book's authors write. Scientists aren't totally sure where this "pre-cum" originates, but they suspect that it, uh, comes from the Cowper's Glands
Unless your girlfriend is a bona fide squirter
, her orgasm isn't producing a gallons of waterworks. Also important to note: She's not peeing on you.
"Some people are under the impression that the secreted fluid is urine," the "Orgasm Answer Guide" experts clarify. "It is not. The fluid resembles diluted fat-free milk and has a sweet taste. Although the volume may seem large during an orgasm, the total amount of liquid expelled rarely exceeds one teaspoonful."
Just say yes to (illegal) drugs
We love it when doctors aren't prudes. The book attests that substances like yohimbe
and cocaine can increase orgasmic quality. The jury's out on pot's definitive effect on orgasm. But psychiatric legal drugs -- like almost all MAO inhibitors -- have tragic effects on orgasm and sexual performance in general.
Then again, as Dr. Komisaruk points out, such psychiatric drugs can also be prescribed to purposefully delay orgasm if you tend to fall into the "two-pump chump
True love waits
We'd heard that applying pressure to the perineum
-- that's the taint, for all you non-science types out there -- could help bring one back from the brink of impending orgasm.
Dr. Komisaruk isn't so sure about that. His not-so-simple advice: "Stop thrusting, pull out, distract yourself." If that fails, and you're feeling adventurous and coordinated, he says, "Try a syncopated thrusting rate."
The elusive O
"If one's partner doesn't experience orgasm, she could see a sex therapist," says Dr. Komisaruk. "One strategy that sex therapists use is to have the woman try masturbating to orgasm. If that works, then she could try telling her partner what works for her." Other milestones on the road to the Big O: communication and, perhaps, sex toys.
Above all else, remember: Slow and steady wins the female orgasm race.
"Plunging right in with penile insertion, before any foreplay, is like trying to start a manual transmission [car] in fifth gear," says Dr. Komisaruk. "[Instead], many women can get revved up with clitoral stimulation, and then vaginal and cervical stimulation may put them into overdrive. Can't hurt to try."
"The Orgasm Answer Guide" is available now from Johns Hopkins University Press, proving that really smart people are perverts like the rest of us.