Spring break madness is upon us, and it seems that poorly timed gangster violence in Mexico is screwing up the party south of the border.

Texas officials are actually telling partygoers on popular hotspot South Padre Island to stay on U.S. soil. As a Department of Public Safety official put it: "If something bad happens, we can't help them."

We've put together our own short list of places you might want to steer clear of this year, unless you're fond of STDs, shark attacks and mass vomiting.

Ibiza
For years, kids have been coming to Ibiza to take way too much Ecstasy and hump each other at foam parties. There are ample reasons to steer clear of the island. Those "love drugs" might not actually contain poison or heroin, but they will make you hug strangers like a total idiot. And we're not the only ones who think that foam parties -- much like a McDonald's ball pit -- are breeding grounds for disease and creepy older guys.

Daytona Beach, Fla.
For many visitors, the worst aftermath of a spring break here in Florida will be a treatable STD. For others, a shark attack could be in order. The coastal region of Volusia, which contains Daytona Beach, has the highest number of reported attacks. (Then again, none of them were fatal. And who needs all their limbs?)

Bangkok, Thailand
Speaking of diseases, "just say no" if your buddy starts talking up spring break at this sex tourism capital. The HIV-infection rate for working women could be as high as 10 percent in certain parts of the city. And the strain of HIV most prevalent in Thailand is actually easier for heterosexual men to catch than the strains we have in the West. Scary stuff, indeed. And that's assuming the woman whose company you enjoy is actually a woman.

Jamaica
If you believe the commercials, Jamaica is a place where everyone spends the day swimming, drinking Red Stripe and smiling a lot. The reason Jamaica has to advertise so heavily in the first place is that the economically depressed island can sometimes be a dangerous place. We've read about local drug dealers who'll sell you their nation's finest crop, and then get paid a second time -- by reporting you to the cops. (Though we'd gladly go sailing with the undeniably awesome Rasta Ralphie, pictured here.)

Spring break cruises
The idea of traveling to a faraway paradise on a floating pleasure ship is tempting. Then again, the idea of tsunamis, mass vomiting and marauding pirates reminds us that airfare is pretty darn cheap these days.