The NFL and ESPN have revamped the format for the broadcast
of the NFL draft -- which can only mean one thing: We need a new drinking game.
And so, to help everyone have a little more fun as ESPN airs the first round tonight during prime time, beginning at 7:30 p.m. EST (check local listings), Asylum has devised the incredibly important NFL Draft Night Drinking Game.
Rest assured, ESPN draft guru Mel Kiper Jr. will still have his power-dome
on display throughout the broadcast. In fact, he may not go to the bathroom for the entire weekend
Note that Asylum does not promote binge-drinking -- we only encourage fun. Enjoy this game with water, apple juice or another popular, delicious beverage -- even if it's something that will get you totally wasted and unable to pronounce the word "Tebow" without giggling like a baby.
Asylum's Official NFL Draft Night Drinking Game Rules:
1. each time Mel Kiper Jr. says one of his trademark phrases: "value pick," "need pick," "best available" and "that's a reach."
2. every time Kiper's hair is referenced by another ESPN analyst.
3. every time an ESPN personality compliments a player's suit.
(Much more on the next page.)
4. each time one of the following is mentioned: Ryan Leaf, JaMarcus Russell, Matt Millen, Akili Smith, Ki-Jana Carter, Brian Bosworth, Tim Couch.
5. each time an analyst uses one of the following buzzwords or phrases to describe a player:
"motor" (as in "high motor" or "good-motor")
"gets stuck on blocks"
"low center of gravity"
6. every time Kiper and Todd McShay interrupt one another (this could get dangerous).
Bonus: Your whole group drinks for the number of seconds corresponding to each pick of the draft (e.g., drink 15 seconds for the 15th pick).
1. if a team trades its pick.
2. every time a quarterback is referred to by his first name only.
3. if Brett Favre is mentioned at all.
4. if a selection gets on stage with seven or more people (friends and family).
5. if Commissioner Goodell states the wrong year when announcing a selection.
6. for every wide receiver drafted -- but only the biggest diva in the room drinks twice. This is known as the "Diva Rule." (You should designate this person in advance; of course he or she will object, because that person is a diva.)
7. for every offensive and defensive lineman drafted, but only the heaviest guy in the room drinks twice. This is known as the "Fat Guy Rule." (The consequences of this rule will not slow the person down, given the guy's extra body mass.)
1. if a player gets selected, then traded, then must hold up a different team's jersey
. This is known as the "Eli Manning Rule."
2. if the Lions or Raiders draft a wide receiver. Drink again if you're a Lions or Raiders fan.
3. if the selected player turns out to be on a boat bass-fishing
. This is known as the "Joe Thomas Rule."
4. if Jets fan boo the Jets' selection
5. for every pick that passes with only one person remaining in the green room. This is known as the "Brady Quinn Rule."
1. If analysts discuss a player's "character issues":
a) drink once if the issues pertain to drugs.
b) drink twice if they relate to an incident(s) involving assault and/or battery.
c) pound your drink if it pertains to an incident where the player had sex with his sister
2. If Tim Tebow is drafted in the first round, each member of the party must recite the entirety of Tebow's press-conference speech
following Florida's 2008 loss to Ole Miss, and then pound his drink.
Drink until one of the members of your party cries, vomits, or both:
1. if the Minnesota Vikings fail to get their pick in on time
2. if Ben Roethlisberger is busted for another sexual offense during the broadcast -- but under no circumstances may you vomit on an 11-year-old girl