Any trip to a foreign land is incomplete without a chance to sample the foods, see the sights and purchase some pornography.

It's that last bit that got Carlos Alfredo Simon-Timmerman trapped in a hellish situation that Franz Kafka might have dreamt up, if Kafka had been more interested in breast implants.

Simon-Timmerman was detained by customs in Puerto Rico on his way back from a Venezuelan vacation. The agents found a copy of "Little Lupe the Innocent: Don't Be Fooled by Her Baby Face," starring Lupe Fuentes, in his luggage.

Presumably after watching and re-watching the video several times to be sure, the customs officer -- who testified as an expert in child pornography -- determined that Fuentes was "13–14 years of age," and Simon-Timmerman was subsequently arrested and held awaiting trial for months, facing a 20-year prison sentence.

The problem? Little Lupe, who was born in 1987, was definitely of age at the time of filming, if anyone involved in prosecuting Simon-Timmerman cared to look, which they didn't.

Keep reading to learn exactly how this all-American consumer of adult pornography was exonerated with Lupe's help and what she told us about the problems with her, uh, youthful appearance.

Lupe to the Rescue
Despite assorted forms of documentation that proved Fuentes' age, the feelings of the pair of experts -- including the customs agent and Dr. Pedro R. Jaunarena, a pediatrician -- overruled the evidence provided by Simon-Timmerman's defense.

As he continued to spend months of his life incarcerated on the suspicion of possession of child pornography -- a charge that sounds like the worst possible answer to a fellow inmate's inquiring "What are you in for?" -- his attorney contacted Fuentes, who verified that, yeah, she was a legal adult when she made the movies.

Even still, this wasn't enough to challenge the prosecutor's confidence in the child porn experts, who by this time we can assume had watched the video dozens, if not hundreds of times, in order to develop an unshakable faith in their own observations. The prosecution refused to subpoena the records from Fuentes' studio or even allow a copy of Fuentes' ID into evidence.

Thus, Simon-Timmerman's hope lay in one long-shot gamble: Little Lupe herself would have to fly to Puerto Rico, show her passport to the prosecutor, and testify under oath that she was really, really not 13 years old.

"My fans mean everything to me, " Fuentes told Asylum via her publicist. "It was important to me to make the trip to Puerto Rico to show support to someone who did no wrong."

And it's not like being mistaken for a teenager is totally unfamiliar to the star, either -- she's had to explain herself to everyone from United States courts to the King of All Media.

"I think Howard Stern was a little scared when I came into the studio for his show -- he kept telling Robin that they were going to get arrested."

Fortunately, thanks to Little Lupe's good nature, both Stern and Simon-Timmerman can walk the streets as free men.

Just Download Your Porn Like the Rest of Us
Simon-Timmerman was released and the charges against him dismissed upon Lupe's testimony, a mere eight months after his initial arrest. And while he was unavailable for comment -- presumably because he's pretty tired of hearing the words "child pornography" in the same sentence as his name -- we can only assume that, in the future, he'll give his DVD player a rest and opt to view his red-blooded, 100-percent-legal, all-American porn on his laptop.