May 4th 2010 By Jeremy Taylor
The National Enquirer
, which scooped the legitimate media on John Edwards' love child
and broke most of the pertinent details in the Tiger Woods scandal
, now has their sights trained on an even bigger fish: Barack Obama
On Friday, the tabloid alleged an affair took place between Obama and Vera Baker
, a campaign staffer who worked for Obama during his 2004 run for the Illinois Senate.
Rumors of past relations between Obama and Baker have been floating around the margins of the Internet
for a few years, and the Enquirer doesn't really present any information that wasn't previously available on conservative blogs.
So why are they running the story now? One theory is that the publication is trading their sudden credibility
in for a sensational (but unlikely) rumor that will significantly increase its Web traffic and newsstand sales.
But what if they are still sitting on new evidence? Then we'd have a sex scandal involving the most famous man in the world and a woman who has been described as "gorgeous."
It would be the supernova of all sex scandals. It would be crazy and fun and could well break the Internet. Read on for the pros and cons of an Obama sex scandal.
It Would Be Like Mardi Gras
Would an Obama Sex Scandal Excite You?
|Yes -- it would be much better than the World Cup||623 (39.7%)|
|No -- it would be bad for the country||947 (60.3%)|
* All the elected officials and moral leaders who rush to condemn Obama for his philandering will inevitably be exposed as having their own history of extra-marital affairs. Political sex scandals: the gift that keeps on giving.
* It's safe to say the level of political discourse in this country will be significantly elevated when Obama's critics start focusing on the staffer he allegedly banged -- and not the foreign country he was allegedly born in.
* Wouldn't you want to see how Bill Clinton
-- not to mention Hillary! -- would react to the whole spectacle?
It Wouldn't Be Good at All
* Speaking of Clinton, his sex scandal
practically took down our political system, and that was in the infancy of the Internet and cable-news insanity.
* We weren't kidding about a legitimate Obama sex scandal breaking the Internet.
* And worse: If the National Enquirer is right about this too, they'd probably become our paper of record. Then we would be forced to learn more about a near-death Elizabeth Taylor than we'd ever care to know.